always something to talk about

Is this my midlife crisis?

2010-12-20T23:33:00.000-08:00

I was surprised this week to think about the industry in which I work (and have been working in for 19 years) and realize I really do not believe it jives with my values. Well, I must say that I have not attained full values clarification level- and I feel conflicted about that on a regular basis.

But I teach in the public schools in America and I just looked at the system as a whole and thought, "This is for the fricking birds."

I can't begin to describe its shortcomings - some of them the public hears about all the time - and some are known only by the people who work inside it. Most of the problem I think is just the American society ind its values in general. I was shocked to feel this way. Didn't know that was in there. Didn't see it coming.

I have studied in France and have studied French culture and society. I do not want to be French and every time I come home from there I feel so grateful to be home - in my country. Where i feel at home and comfortable. So suddenly I face a future where I don't think I want to part of the problem ( as I see it) because I certainly could only be a tiny and thus ineffective, part of the solution. Plus I have 2 young children - and if I switch careers, they are stll facing growing up as American students.

I wanna move to England.

Oh boy.

That was a shock. I was thinking that I would want to move to a country with a decent education system and one that would not handicap my 3 men and their monolingualistic state. (For now - they all gotta learn to speak French - someday...)

Or do I stay here and raise my kids in a system that doesn't ask muych of the kids - where parents regularly try to get their kids out of trouble, out of doing work, cause they just want the kids to succeed - their definition of success with no failure on thte road which is a farce in itself.

Crisis waned in the face of holidays , exams, end of term business....what to think now?

How FREE is our education?

2010-07-23T19:48:00.000-07:00

I posted some time ago about "someone has to pay for it." Just a compare/contrast look at 2 school districts I have worked in.

School District A: Property Taxes per year $7200. Sales tax 5%, none on groceries or clothes. State Lottery - yes and the money goes to the school nutrition program, scholarships, non-public school aid, veterans programs, state testing in schools.
Students do not pay any "school fees" or send six bags of classroom supplies to school on Day 1. School supplies are stored in the school office and teachers go get what they need.

School Disrict B: Property Taxes per year $2000. Sales tax9.25% on everything. State lottery - yes and the money funds student scholarships, pre-k and after school programs.
Students are asked to pay a "school fee" every fall to their homeroom teacher (from 30 - 80 bucks). Parents of elementary and middle school kids are given supply lists of things to get for back to school. My list that I had to buy for my child in 1st grade cost $28 at Walmart, is in a huge heavy bag that is more than the kids can carry and it isn't stuff for him. It includes class supplies like writing paper, papertowels, kleenex (see former post about tissue!)

My first thoughts as a parent were: Why can't the schools buy this stuff? Gee, raise taxes and save me the trip to the store and the trip to school (cause he cant carry this on the bus himself). Also I bet the schools can get the supplies in bulk (we have 40,000 students in this district).

As a high school teacher I thought: Where's my supply list? Can I just make one and send it home? For 18 years I have purchased high quality facial tissue for my classroom. If I didn't, my students would rarely have anything to wipe their noses on. That.... is disgusting. I buy my own disinfecting wipes with bleach and clean the desks myself cause the janitors don't do it (in SD B they dont), thus trying to keep the kids from getting H1N1 or other illnesses.

As a tax payer thought, well the more taxes I pay the more I should see the schools providing. Would that really happen? At this point, I do not know. When I am retired and my kids aren't in public schools anymore, would I want to pay more taxes to support th youth of America or would I feel like, well, hey, let the parents buy all that crap and haul it to school.

After the 27 dollar trip to Walmart, I still have to go to the specialty school supply store and buy 1 ream of first grade writing paper to send in to the teacher. Geez....

What do you think?

Dear Substitute Teacher...

2010-04-28T20:05:00.000-07:00

...Can you please just NOT be a freakin' moron?!?!? All you have to do is 1 show up - on time is best. 2- take attendance 3- write the assignment on the board and hand it out. 4- watch thee students and make them be quiet. Oh and not let anyone die.

I know - it has to be a crappy thankless difficult job. Kids will push the limits. But gosh do they ever get some lameo people in there. If they paid more than 25 bucks a day, maybe someonw literate would apply. They just want a warm body and unfortuanately they get little else than that.

Stupid Stuff Subs Have Done
One man flirted with the girls and said they were pretty and called them "baby" and touched their hair.

One man had my assignments I left and just told the class I left nothing and turned on the TV. The classes watched trash talk shows all day.

Some subs take attendance and leave me a note like, "Three students were absent." Well, great could ya tell me which ones?!?!?

One lady never ever stood up in the classroom. She always sat in the back and all she'd say was "siddown!!"

One subbed in an ESL classroom and they were talking about immigration and the sub said she didn't think foreigners should come to the US and get all this free stuff.

Two subs I have seen were always falling asleep in class. Sleep? In a room full of teenagers? Really?

One lady walked in the room and when some kids who were talking amongst themselves started laughing and the lady instantly thought they were laughing at her and she went off on them yelling about being human and respectful. Ohhh kaaaaaay...

One man called me at home to ask where the work was. I said in the folder on the desk. He said there were 4 packets of papers and did I only have 4 students. I said no I didn't have time to staple them together and each kid got one of each. He still didn't get it.

One guy went through the regular teacher's grade book and found a place in the back where she had written her computer user name and password. He logged on to have computer access that day. The computer people saw she had logged on yet was absent and then they figured out it was the sub. Who got in trouble? The regular teacher. Why? He was the one snooping through her stuff.

One man wrote passes for the kids (who told him they were on the polo team) to leave to go out to the stables to feed the ponies. The school had no stables, ponies or freakin' polo team.

This got me this week: A kid fell down and got a mild concussion when his head hit the floor and the sub didn't notice. And then the sub did not let the kid go to the nurse when the kid asked to go.

Come on people - we need better subs. Let's pay them more - train them more - get dependable thinking adults in there.

Pollen is Evil

2010-04-18T18:17:00.000-07:00

I know it isn't really evil. I DID take Bio 101 and see "The Bee Movie" (learning more from the latter). I remember it being bad in the South. It was bad in the North, too. It is HORRIBLE this year - first spring spent in the South since 2001. I swear it myst be the El Nino weather causing everything to bloom at once, or something. I'm talking every day wiping tons of yellow gunk of the table on the deck. My car is unrecognizable it has so much pollen on it (cannot wait to move in a month to our new home with a garage!)

The Pollen Peple send a daily e-mail about the Pollen levels in your zip code. The very first day it hit High, I got this weird itchy rash all on my back. I am a 9 on a scale of 10 for allergies. Claritin worked for 10 years. Then I tried allegra, clarinex, everything - and now take Xyzal and use Verimist. Somedays it doesn't work all day - I have to take a Benedryl to stop scratching my nose.

Can we allergy sufferers unite and appeal to garden centers and nurseries all over the USA to NOT sell any more oak, maple or alder trees? Can scientists research adn find the least allergenic trees and recommend them?

I have this new house with few trees and I'd like to plant something - what will not produce tons of airborne pollen? Anyone? Buhler? Buhler?

Memory on my tongue

2009-12-19T20:37:00.000-08:00

Showing "Ratatouille" to my middle school kids the day before Christmas break, I watched Anton Ego put the ratatouille in his mouth and be instantly transported back to age 8 - back to his mother's kitchen where she served her own version of the peasant vegetable stew. The one bite of food had a profound effect on him. It tasted so like a meal he had eaten before - a meal that was tied to his emotions - and he could not help have his heartstrings tugged on by the dish cooked up by Remy the rat.
This sensory experience is one I am familiar with. It is true that our senses can pick up on something and target the one area of our brain that stores an emotionally charged memory.
As a grad student in France, the university I attended offered an atelier de cuisine, which I couldn't wait to sign up for. For about $100 you got 4 cooking lessons and then you ate the meal you just cooked. Sounded like a bargain to me.

Jean Montangard was - and probably is still - one of France's top and only vegetarian chefs. He had us peeling and cutting vegetables, cleaning fish, grating cheese, whisking egg whites while we learned French and learned how to cook many French specialties. I loved the first appetizer we made: beignets de fleurs de courgettes. So light and so crispy, served with a tomato basil sauce. I was dying that we only had 2 each. Anytime I saw this on a menu in Nice, I ordered it.

Fast forward about 8 or 10 years and I had moved from my home of 17 years to a new place I was no too crazy about. I had left behind dear friends and family and we not feeling that I fit in.
To cheer me one cold winter night, my DH took me to a local Italian restaurant for dinner. The special contained some fleurs de courgettes, thought I think they were listed as braised which sounded unappetizing to me. I am not a fan of cooked spinach, cabbage or collard greens or the like. The waiter came to take my order and we chatted a bit about fleur de courgettes and he asked if I wanted him to ask the chef if he could fritter them up for me and of course I waved him off - not daring to change the chef's daily selection or ask for something special just for me.

When the meal was served, there they were - my beignets de fleurs de courgettes. I could not believe it. The chef did something off the menu - for me? I am no high roller who walks in and expects to get all he wants with a snap of his fingers. I tasted and.... yes, there it was --the whole of that summer in Nice came pouring back into my mind. The sound of all that French rolling into my ears for hours; the smell of Yves Rocher suntan lotion; the feel of the rocks, hard and smooth, under my bamboo beach mat; the beautiful blue green color of the Mediterranean out my dorm window, and perfectly reflected moonrises from the same window. That summer I became fluent in French. That summer I lived out a dream.

So I am chewing and crying and my undemonstrative DH is looking at me like I am a total kook. And they were just so good. And the chef has no idea what effect his frying had on me. And I wanted to go back to that summer. That summer of adventure when I was brave and went out to try new things and I survived. And that spoke to me. I realized this new place was an adventure too and that I would make it through. And I did.

Anton loved the rat's cooking. One taste and the tongue transmits to the memory center of the brain to recall something long forgotten. How perfectly the Pixar people captured that idea of how we remember and why we love certain smells and tastes.

Writing this on a cold rainy winter night has me closing my eyes, trying to remember...the pink bourgainvilla that grew by the dorm entrance, the leek quiche in the cafeteria, bright cicada or olive fabrics sold in the souvenir shops, the salty sea, lavender, the pastel colors in Old Town, salmon in beurre blanc sauce, daube provencal, tarte au citron.....

Funny or Offensive?

2009-10-08T17:03:00.000-07:00

I remember at my high school there was a group of male seniors that called them selves "The Math Team Cheerleaders." We really did have a math team - they did academic competitions, but their cheerleaders were just an excuse for some guys to dress like girls and dance around looking silly at a pep rally or two. In the schools I've taught in, the same activity is carried out by the "Powder Puff Football Cheerleaders." The girls play football and the guys cheer.

Here in the South, the practice usually involves the boys dressing as girls, complete with wig, makeup, fake bosoms, and skirts. Up North where I was last year, they allowed the practice, but no wig, make up or boobs. They did dance and cheer at the pep rally and powder puff game and wore cheerleading skirts.

The difference here is that the girls actually LEARN football and a really PLAY football and sometimes play it really well. The boys jump around swishing (like no women friends of mine do) and flitting and acting like silly goofy drag queens. The girls don't show out like stereotypes of men - no croch-grabbing or spitting on the field. But on the track there is a showdown of flamboyant behavior that makes any drag queer shudder.

Our Powder Puff event was yesterday. Tack tacky tacky. That's my three words for it. The boys did stuff I have never done or ever heard of any woman friend of mine doing - bumping (balloon) boobies, wearing a thong OVER shorts - what!?

I mean I get it. It's laughable. They get a kick out of blowing kisses and walking with that feminine hip sway for a while. We laughed. They looked silly. They did some good high jumps and lifting stunts (not clean, but their strength was evident). They shook their butts and the students thought it was hilarious.

I am no women's libber and I ride the fence on most issues because I can usually see both sides. I hate debate and extremists telling others theat I am right and they are wrong. I avoid political arenas.

But isn't this a bit passé? I was reading an article on Comcast about Harry Connick's comments about how offended he was when an Australian TV show he was on also showed a Jackson 5 lip sync - done by white people in blackface. He was quoted as saying, "I know it was done humorously, but we've spent so much time trying not to make black people look like buffoons." Can the same thing be said about women? IS it that big a deal? Can blacks just say, "Hey that blackface routine was funny - it was about the Jackson 5 and they're black!" Can women say "Oh those POwder Puff boys were silly. They aren't making women look like dumb floozies." I asked a cheerleader what she thought. I asked if she thought they were making fun of what cheerleaders do or how they look. She said , "We made them look like that - they were hot!" Hot - they were some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen! :P

I don't know why blackface would not be allowed but this activity is. I think they are both really disrespectful and derogatory. Why don't the guys get together and do a serious cheer routine? There are really great and strong male cheerleaders - why not emulate them? The role reversal is a fine exercise, but the inequality that concerns me is in that the girls don't make fun of the guys and the guys are allowed to make girls look silly. Blackface minstrel shows that were performed in the 1800's presented cruel and demeaning stereotypes of black people. Aren't puff cheerleaders doing the same thing - presenting an offensive stereotype of teenaged girls and cheerleaders?

Driving in the South

2009-07-09T05:18:00.000-07:00

Southerners do not honk their horns. We are too polite. Or maybe not aggressive enough. Up North people give you about .63 seconds to go when the light turns green and then they honk. Not a "Beep Beep did you see the light?" honk, but a "HOOOOOOOOOOONK You dumb ass get the hell out of the way" honk.

So driving up there gave me the guts to start honking in the South. Not to be nasty or hurt other drivers feelings, but just to get things moving.

Yesterday I was on a two lane residentail street and there was a backhoe/frontloader thingy digging up something on the side of the street. There were men holding Slow/Stop signs on either side of the construction vehicle. They had both lanes stopped as the machine went forward and back, forward and back. The lines of traffic were getting pretty long. Like really really long. On my side I was third and there were 3 cars behind me. On the other side they were stretched out like 20 cars deep!!! I thought, "OK people, can't you stop the work for 1 minute and let us pass?"

So I honked. A friendly, "Beep Beep, hey guys can we get by please" honk. And it worked. The loader pulled off the street and the man turned his sign from STOP to SLOW and let us by. No one else honked, no one flipped me off. And we (the short line of cars) went through before the long line of cars. Amazing. The power of assertiveness. I learned it up North.

Moving is greuling!

2009-06-21T15:14:00.001-07:00

We are moving. Packing the house totally ranks up there with root canals and passing gall stones, but moving to where you want to live should have priceless results. If you don't want to move then I can't imagine how awful the packing would be.

My reminders for a better packing / moving experience:

1-

Start early. Like the second you put your house on the market. Don't keep things in the pantry thinking you will use it. That cheese tray you love to entertain with? Pack it! Now. You will not have a party before you move. You won't have time. That dusty slow-cooker? Pack it. My hiusband told me to pack it long ago, but I insisted that I would use it. Moving day came and he looked at me as I packed it - unused since Packing Round 1. Sheepish grin, I wrapped it in newspaper and tucked it in the box.

Leave enough decor out to appropriately "stage" the house for showing, but you could get a jump on the crystal vase collection on top of the cabinets - pack half and spread the others out.

(PS Like Murphy's Law: The longer you wait to start packing, the faster your house will sell!)

2-

Stop grocery shopping 2 months before moving day. Force yourself to use up all the frozen veggies you stocked up on or else you will need a Penske truck to cart all your extra food to the food bank. Do a recipe search by what stuff you have left and eat it up. Face it - you will not use the fifth of Creme de Menthe before you move. Get rid of it - or make 100 parfaits and invite over the entire neighborhood. Oh wait you are packing - so you don't have time!

3-

Drop one bag at Goodwill every day on your way to work.

4-Invest in bubblewrap.

5- Admit it, you haven't worn some items in 10 years so just give them away. You might be that thin again, but the clothes won't be fashionable anymore.

6-
Watch clean house for inspiration.

7-
An offer $5,000 below list is awesome. Do not just turn it down.

8-
Do not let pre-schoolers help pack. This turns into a trip down memory lane and then they want to play with all this crap they haven't touched in 3 years and now cannot part with. Hide stuff and discard. Get rid of all photos with tossed out items in them. they are smart - they will remember the toy and look for it later.

Housewives step aside - Working Mom gets really Desperate

2009-06-21T06:28:00.000-07:00

No one told me motherhood would be this hard.

We are at the beach in a rental house. On the 2nd floor. And the weather forcast is rain every day this week. So my wild cowboys just cannot be quiet. They yell, fight, stomp, wrestle. The tenant downstairs has already banged on the ceiling once when they were loud. They were up at 6 am. The TV - aka the Great Tranquilizer - is only good for so long.

Desperate to keep them from waking our nanny and the neighbor, at 9 am I put them in the car with everything I own - my car looks like a rich homeless person - DVD player, lap top, beach bag (just in case)....anything to occupy the boys time outside the house.

We went to a playground. Dried off all the slides with a beach towel. Sat under the picnic shelter with laptop, hoping they'd be entertained for hours. They were until the rain started. Then they were cold and wanted to go. We went to church. Seeking sanctuary ...... asylum. Played in the nursery, since taking them into the service would be another way to bother other people. Said goodbye to everyone - it's our last Sunday here before the big move.

I cannot believe what extreme measures I have taken to survive motherhood. When the boys were 2 1/2 and 3 months. Remember that I could not take one more minute in the house with them. Matty kept terrorizing his brother or just being loud after I finally managed to get Drew to sleep. It was a heat wave here - an unheard of 104 and what did I do next? I went to the playground. He was gonna tear up the house if I didn't get him out. Drew slept in his car seat carrier next to the swing set. I was alone - I knew anyone else who saw me was gonna think I had lost my mind. I didn't care. I was losing it.

Desperate measures for desperate moms.

Facial tissue is NOT a luxury item

2009-05-11T19:04:00.000-07:00

I have been an educator in public schools for 17 years. If I counted up how much money I have spent out of my own pocket to supply Kleenex for my classroom, I could retire a year early.

At my first job, there was not any tissue purchased at all. At my second and current job they do buy it, but it is that rough, prison grade, one ply crap. I use it when have to, but I normally buy my own so I don't get a raw red nose.

This is a matter of school sanitation and student health. Having kids sneezing and nothin to wipe a drippy nose on is not a very hygienic situation. In my school tissues are in the department budget - I think this should be a custodial item - there shoudl be purchased a 180 day supply for every classroom and office in the building.

In my first job, it was customary for elementary teachers to hand out a "Class Wish List" at back-to-school time and each kid was asked to bring in a a few boxes of tissues. I don't think a necessary item like Kleenex should be on a wish list. This is like asking your guests to bring their own toilet paper.

In allergy season - which is raging right now - it is hard to put out a box and have it last through the day. Can I please implore school boards to provide simple boxes of tissue to ensure more sanitary conditions in schools? Thank you!!

Being Toni

2009-02-23T19:41:00.000-08:00

We are both 5'6". She is 36, Australian and a beautiful actress. I am older, not Australian, nor am I a rich and famous actress. We're not that similar, but for some reason, several people have come up to me - co-workers and strangers - and told me I look like Toni Colette. Hm.

I looked at her in several photos on the web - both from films and from publicity shots. I had never thought I looked like her. The last time anyone said I looked like a celebrity was in 4th grade and if I wore my hair in braids they said I looked like Laura on Little House on the Prairie. Oh, well, there was that guy in college who said I looked like Pat Benetar, but I think he was drunk.

Usually when someone says the you look like someone, they immediately deny it. We know our selves best , right? I was surprised when I got my 1st Toni comment. I was surfing around and admitting that we do look sort of alike when she we have a similar hairstyle and if she's not blond at the moment. And then I saw a photo of her in "In her Shoes" and I thought it was me for a second. I thought it was a picture of me for just that split second and it was freaky to realize it was absolutely not me and was Toni Colette. It looks like me when I was in middle school with longer hair. She is sitting at the kitchen table and has on a blue stripe V-neck top. [Can I post it here? I don't know all the rules. I don't want Big Brother to get me.]

I look like her in "In Her Shoes" and "About a Boy", but not at all like her in "Little Miss Sunshine" or real life. In "Shaft" she was a redhead and it's great - I think I can try on the new look before doing it to myself.

Thanks Toni - I love your films and I am glad that if I had to look like a star - it's a decent pretty woman like you.

Noe I just gotta work on that Australian accent ...................

SO much to be thankful for

2009-02-21T20:22:00.001-08:00

I found that my former church has sermons you can listen to online. I started listening to a few - it was nice to hear some familiar voices - the preist who married me and dh. Familiar echoes of the congregtion laughing in my church home.

Then Robert spoke. He's not a priest, just a member of the congregation in his 30's. He works at the local Target. When shoppers see him, they know he is different. One side of his body is stiff and his gait uneven. His expression often slightly vacant. Scars remain on one side of his face.

I knew him when he was in high school. I think my sister either had a crush on him or went out with him once. He was so handsome, athletic - a wrestler- attended an elite boys prep school and always wore a coat and repp tie to church. He was cool - aloof - maybe seemed a tad arrogant.

But he works at Target. Not because he was uneducated - no, he went to a fancy southern university and pledged a preppy fraternity and dated good looking girls. Drove a fancy car. Had a start in a promising career in finance as a stock broker.

He is a walking miracle. The first time I saw him back at church after the accident he was in a wheel chair and would involuntarily moan or shout out during the service. I found myself wincing every time. I heard his fiancée left him unable to deal with the situation. He was told he'd be in a hospital bed for the rest of his life. Eventually he walked with a walker ...and then without it.

He'd always tell me a joke. Every Sunday a new joke. I think he was working on improving short term memory with this exercise. Through his slurred speech which is much improved now - this is 15 years later, I think - he was full of jokes and smiles and compliments to my mom about what beautiful daughters she has.

Judging a book by it's cover can be painful. I imagine all who see the guy stocking the shelves and have no idea what he used to be like and who he still is inside. How different he is now - and how the same. They have no idea how far the effects of one unused seatbelt and one careless driver can be felt. As a mother of boys, I so pray they will always be protected.

And I thank Robert for reminding me to be a careful driver - that every one out on the road is someone's child.

Dear Substitute Teacher,

2009-02-16T07:34:00.000-08:00

All you have to do is show up, call roll, hand out my assignment and keep the students in line. It's not that hard to follow directions.

Substitute teachers - hear my plea! Take attendance! Please!! Take it properly!

Didn't you ever go to high school yourself? Passing around a sheet of paper and telling kids to write their name is not taking attendance. Kids write down names of their friends who are cutting class! Surprise! They write down names of famous historical figures! Duh! Or porn stars! Shock! The quiet kid or the avid reader misses the paper being passed and gets marked 'absent' - all because you didn't do your job!

The next day I drag in - usually still sick - and see what you have left me. A list of 22 names (minus George Washington) for a class of 23 kids. Hmmmm... so who is missing? (It's like naming the 50 states and you get to 49 and you can't recall which one you left out. ) Do you realize how much time you will save me if you just write down the name of the absent kid? It'll save paper, too. Now I'll have to spend my planning time figuring out WHICH kids are missing off the lists. And then I have to refer to the absentee bulletin, the online attendance record, the suspension list, the tardy list and the sign-out lists to see if they were really absent from school or if they cut or if they just missed the sign in sheet.

Truly, I cannot even start to thank all the substitute teachers out there. I have encountered some really top notch ones. Thanks for being so great so that when I am sick, I can stay home in misery without worrying about my desk, my classroom, my students .... we really depend on you when we need you.

Tips for High School Substitute Teachers:

-Take attendance. Use the seating chart. Being able to call a kid by his name will do wonders for the cooperation factor.

- Always take a class set of something for the kids to do JUST in case there is no lesson provided. Make sure it'll take the whole class period. Crosswords, sudokus, brain teasers, a copy of a recent article from the paper, a series of trivia questions.....

-Do not override the teacher's lesson. If the kids tell you "We can't do this - the teacher never taught us this" do not believe them. I will never leave a sub plan like that. I wouldn't do that to you or to them. If you feel it is an honest plea from well meaning kids that they don't understand the work, then let them work in groups so that they can help each other. The smart kids can help the slower student. I will deal with it the next day.

-DO NOT cancel class and turn on the TV or declare 'study hall' time.

-Sub at just one or two schools all the time so that soon you become as familiar as one of the full time staff members. Then you will receive more respect and cooperation from the kids. They will think of you as a "real teacher" - which you are, but they will view you as an authority figure when you are a familiar face at school.

-Watch them. Read your newspaper or book, but you have to look up every few minutes or they'll realize you aren't watching and get sneaky. Most kids are good, but you never know. If a sweet kind honor student just HAS to SMS her boy friend and tries to sneak the phone under the desk - and the principal walks in at that moment - she AND you could be in trouble. Why risk it?

-Dress and act professionally - mean business - don't be too harsh on the kids - know what school rules are and enforce them.

A note about substitute teachers.......
Why do we need them anyway? In European countries, when a teacher is absent, the class is usually cancelled and the kids just don't go to class. They just go anywhere. Or some schools have a "study hall" that is a permanent large room - open all day- with a teacher monitor and they can go there for quiet study. Why are American teens not trusted this way? Why must they have a "sitter" but European teens are fine on their own? Is it expectations of behavior in society? Is it the litigiousness of parents in the US? I don't know the answer.

The Price of Education

2009-02-07T19:38:00.001-08:00

We are guaranteed a free and public education in America. Free yeah, but the money has to come from somewhere. Most places it's property taxes, right?

I work in a place where taxes are high. Say, $6,000/year for a 4bedroom home in the suburbs. The schools have everything they need. If I need pens or staples, there is a closet in the office where I can got get these supplies. Coaches and club advisors receive decent compensation for their extracurricular activities. We have a full time In-school Suspention teacher plus stipends for after school detention monitors. We have buses for the student to come to school, go home after school, or go home one hour after school so they can attend tutorial sessions, club meetings, detentions, etc... In this community I rarely hear about how expensive schooling is. Every high school has it's own school system and superintendant. Substitutes are readily available so teachers do not have to cover for an absent teacher. If they do, they get compensated. At my school here, we have 2,300 kids: 1 principal, 4 APs, 8 counselors, 7 supervisors (dept heads who do discipline, observation and evaluation), 1 data processing specialist (for grades), 1 librarian and a library aide, 3 computer specialists and 6 secretaries.

I worked in a place for 10 years where the taxes were low. Like $1500/year for a 4 bedroom surburban house. The schools have nothing. If I needed pens, I could go to Staples and buy them myself. If I wanted to be a club advisor, I could do it on my own time for no pay. If I had a discipline problem, there was no detention, no ISS, but I could call the kid's parents - or they could get suspended if it was serious - nothing inbetweeen. We had buses to bring kids to and from school. And in this community the papers are filled with people whining about overspending in the schools and overstaffing. School districts are county wide with up to 15 or 20 high schools in the same systrem with one superintendent. Substitute pay was so low we had mutant zombies come in to sub. Or no one. Teachers regulary gave up their paid planning time to substitute for an absent colleague. For 500 kids at my school we had 1 principal, 2 APs, 2 counselors, a registrar, 1 librarian, 1 science teacher who got 1 extra planning period to work on computer problems and 2 secretaries.

A funny aside: in the high tax area they have all these Volunteer Fire Departments. In the low tax area I never recall seeing a volunteer fire department. The firemen down the hill from my first apartment were always sitting outside the fire house on this bench waiting for a call. Volunteer firemen or volunter teachers? Which one would you pick?

I am in a position to move back to the "low tax" city and work for the schools again. I have family situations and it is a place I need to be. I will never work for free again. If you want your kids in a club or to have a prom or take a class trip to Disneyworld, great, but I will not work for free. It is not fair how many hours these activities take to plan and carry out and it's crazy for the parents to expect us to do our teaching job and spend all kinds of unpaid time for extras.

Education costs. Someone has to pay. I resent being an educated teacher and a bunch of non-educators yelling about how surely we can get by with less. Educating the young people in the community is one of the most important jobs in any community right up there with the police force protecting us and the doctors taking care of us. And citizens who haven't set foot in a school in 50 years are yelling about how we don't need 2 assistant principals? Same folks yell when schools fail to discipline the kids. We can improve the schools by supporting them and letting the professionals decide how many employees they need to do a good job.

To do things right, things cost. Education costs. Someone has to pay.

Peanut allergy awareness

2009-01-14T16:38:00.000-08:00

I had heard of people being allergic to peanuts. I flew enough to hear that airlines had quit serving peanuts and I hated the pretzels they served instead. I knew it was a severe allergy with a sudden and serious reaction.

When I had my 1st baby, the books all said no nuts and not honey and maybe some other stuff until after age 1. OK, so after Matt turned 1, I thought "hmmm... what if he is allergic to peanuts or peanut butter?" I personally love peanut butter. I'll eat it in a sandwich, in a dessert or on a spoon out of the jar. I was so poor one semester in college I survived on PBJ sandwiches and diet Coke. PB was one comfort food I ate during pregnancy. When queasy, I could often manage to swallow a nice PBJ sandwich. With chocolate milk.....mmmmmmm.

So Matt - age 16 months sat at the table and I decided it was time to do the test. I checked the time - the doctor's office was still open - I had nowhere to go. So I gave him a Ritz with a little peanut butter on it and I watched as he took a bite. I looked at him, daring not blink, lest I miss the first sign of anaphlaxis. I saw a darling boy enjoy a peanut butter cracker in my kitchen. I chuckled to myself - how paranoid was I?

Then I had my 2nd baby. He was about 17 months old and we 3 were in the kitchen having an afternoon snack. I was trying to get Matt to stop wolfing down yogurt by offering him something - anything else - and I spread some peanut butter on a rice cake. He said he wanted it but with no peanut butter. I gave him a plain one and then thought - "oh, yeah Drew's never had peanut butter - he's old enough" and I handed the peanut butter covered rice cake to him.

One bite and he rubbed his eyes. Then his face turned a bit red and splotchy. He wanted to get out of the seat he was in. He got down and I called the doctor. A nurse called back and she asked if he had hives. I said no, but on closer inspection, I saw bumps on his face. He sneezed. The nurse told me to give him Benadryl and call back in an hour. Sounded kinda crazy, but I figured hey - she's the medical professional.

Ten minutes later his face had cleared considerably. The nurse called back to check on us. I told her his face was clearer, but that he was acting sleepy - walking like he was tipsy. She said to come on in, just to be safe.

We left immediately. Half way there he started crying and I started to panic. (Yes - I was just now getting to panic stage. I tend to go straight into denial if I think I should be panicking.) We continued on and then just when I got on a 2 lane street behind some car going 10 mph, Drew threw up. I passed Sunday Driver and floored it in a 25 mph zone mentally daring any cop to join me.

I got to the office and the nurse went to get a nebulizer treatment because he was wheezing. I had taken off his puky shirt and saw hives all over his torso. The nurse walked out and interrupted a doctor to come and after he looked at him he went to get epinephrine.

One shot of that and Drew was instantly fine and normal. Whew! He has had no further exposure or reactions. He is my happy guy who often plays kitty cat.

There has been much controversy in our area about the banning of smoking in restaurants, bars, public places, etc... I love it just because I hate smelling like smoke later. Smoke also make me sneeze. I understand that smoke (first or secondhand) causes cancer and it is bad for you. But you don't breathe smoke and fall over dean the same day. It takes years for it to develop and who knows? it might never develop in some who had a significant exposure to it. But if someone ate peanut butter and breathed heavily on my kid.... or if someone left some peanut butter crackers or some such snack at the playground (even on the ground) and an allergic baby toddled by and ate it... they could die in minutes if not treated quickly. Should we ban public consumption of peanut butter? I am not ridiculous enough to suggest such a draconian measure. I applaud the ban on cell phones while driving, but haven't we all lost momentary control of our vehicles while putting on make up, eating, disciplining the kids, reaching for the CD that slid off the seat....... it's like they can't ban everything. Everyone just has to be careful.

I want the public to know that the peanut allergy is very severe. The need for disclosing all ingredients in all foods is a matter of life and death. It's not like a lifestyle preference or religious practice. If a vegan ate something with the teeniest molecule of animal fat in it they won't die. If a kosher Jew ate something I brought to a party that was prepared in my non-kosher kitchen, they won't turn red and suffocate to death on the spot.

I hope no one thinks I am some whacko crybaby when I say my son cannot eat something. I hope no one is offended if we refuse his home-baked goodies. I can't risk my baby's life.

..............................................................................................

Website with stories of PBA deaths:

http://berta-righthere.blogspot.com/2008/07/sad-story-about-peanut-allergy-death.html
http://www.qsrweb.com/article.php?id=9755

My father and the Grand Canyon

2009-01-04T18:51:00.000-08:00

My father decided to hike the Grand Canyon. He started training by packing a ridiculous huge backpack and walking up and down the steep street we lived on. He was an engineering professor so he'd done all these mathematical calculations about the grade and distance of the street and how many times he'd have to walk it to simulate the Canyon. He'd figured out all these things like how much water and equipment he'd need and how much it would weigh and how much energy he'd expend over distance and how many calories he'd need to consume, blah, blah, blah..... I was at the time a regular teen - you know the sort that rolls her eyes at all her parents good advice....and stunts like this one.

He and my mom drove out West. They had done it before. This time he had a meeting in Utah and they'd left a week or so early to see some parks and do the canyon. Mom dropped him off at some certain point of departure for canyon-hikers and the plan was that he'd hike down, spend the night and come out the next day.

He started down. I am sure he was giddy with excitement, but trying to appear calm and blase about the whole thing like this was the sort of thing he did every day. About halfway down he was not feeling well. Did I mention this was about 2 or 4 years after he had a bout of colon cancer? Yeah. It was 16 years after he'd had to have a colostomy due to ulcerated colitis. Yeah. So back in the canyon he was not well. He slowed down, sat down and thought about what he should do. I know that was a hard decision he would have to make.

God made it easier on him. Somehow my father ran into another hiker. This guy was on his way up out of the canyon. He was not well either - dehydrated and out of water. Father shared some of his with him. I don't know the details of their conversation, but now I wish I had asked him. He decided to call it quits and share his water with the other guy. They estimated how much each would need to get back to the rim and poured the rest out to lighten the load. They walked back together.

I was sad that he didn't get to realize his dream of conquering the canyon. Even as a smart-alec teenaged girl, I knew it was a total bummer to go to all that time and effort to get ready to do something really big and then not get to complete your goal. But, I thank God for sending my father as an angel with water to help this man.

Decisions, decisions.....

2009-01-03T18:29:00.000-08:00

How to make a decision?

My friend said that to make a good decision you should ask your head, then your heart and then your gut and take and compare the 3 answers and this will help decide which way you are leaning and which way you truly feel.

I have always written out pro vs. con lists so I can see the advantages and the disadvantages of any given situation and when the pros outweigh the cons, then I go with the pro side. I did this when I was dating my dh and I kept on finding all these pros about him and I wondered if there were any cons. I managed to scrounge up 3 cons: I didn't like his wardrobe, I feared he had a gambling habit and his nose was shaped funny. Ten years of marriage later I have changed his wardrobe, and ignored his nose - he has not proven to be a compulsive gambler.

My most embarrasing moments

2008-12-13T11:03:00.000-08:00

I explained to my French class of 7th graders that they were mispronouncing grandfather. Instead of "grand-père" they were saying "grand Pierre." I said "If you say 'grand Pierre' instead of 'grand-père' then you aren't talking about your grandfather, you are talking about your big peter."

During an after school tutorial session, I had several students making up a French test. I wanted to know if all the test takers had finished so I could go to the board and write some verbs and vocabulary and review with the other kids. It was silent in the room as some took tests and others made flashcards or wrote make-up work. I looked up and asked, "Are my testees gone?" (Only one 6th grade girl heard me and she just looked up and in a blasé way said, "Oh, yeah, Madame, that's a good one.")

Santa Claus is not scary - or shouldn't be

2008-12-13T10:36:00.000-08:00

I had my first photo with Santa at age 26. The Art Club at the school where I was teaching held a fund raiser during lunch. A hefty black football player dressed up as Santa and they took Polaroids of people sitting on his lap for $5.00. I couldn't wait. I love that picture!!

I asked my mom why she never took me and Sister to have our pictures made with Santa. She said, "Well, you all were never interested." She was right. I remember seeing Santa at the mall when I was a kid and I was too shy to go see Santa. I thought it was cool lots of kids went to see him and maybe even wished I was brave enough to go, too. But, I didn't really want to.

Every year I see some one's Christmas card photo with a crying kid on it - and recently got an e-mail forward with 15 pictures of terrified kids on various Santas' laps. I don't understand why parents make their children go sit on a stranger's lap when they don't want to. I understand making them brush their teeth or making them say please, but going to visit Santa? I really just don't get it.

We took Matt and Drew to the local fire station last weekend for an open house. It was a day of fire safety demonstrations, refreshmants and Santa was there. At first I asked if they wanted to talk to Santa and they said no. We went outside and learned how to use a fire extinguisher and how to stay safe around an oven. We got plastic fire helmets and watched some firefighters go up the ladder and come down on a rope. Then I asked if they wanted to talk to Santa again and they said yes. So we got in line and they waited and they went up and talked to him a minute and posed for the photo and they were fine. Well, Drew had a funny look on his face, like, "Who is this and why am I here?" But no one was scared. If they had balked or cried or looked scared I would not have pushed it. I didn't want them to do it for me - only for them if they wanted to.

I refuse to force my boys to visit Santa if they don't want to. It is not worth it just because I want a cute picture. A picture of them scared and bawling is neither cute nor a nice memory. Christmas is not about selfishness.

Mr. Drew's Wild Ride

2008-12-09T18:40:00.000-08:00

In the words of one of my comedic heroes, Dave Barry, I am not making this up.

Millie returned home from the playground one day this fall with my 2 boys Matt (4) and Drew (2). Matty was still in the car and she had unbuckled Drew and gotten him out of his seat. They walked up to the garage door to open it. She had forgotten to press the button on the remote in the car, but we have a keypad on the house, so she was going to open the door with that.

She turned to it long enough to enter the 4 number pin and hit enter. She turned around to see Drew holding on with both hands to the garage door handle and rising up, up, up as the door opened. Panicked, she grabbed his waist to pull him off- to no avail. She pulled harder and harder as his head was now as high as hers. She screamed his name - "Let go!" she yelled and yanked on him as hard as she could - imagining him going up into the garage ceiling on to the top of the door.

Before anything bad could happen, either he let go or she pulled him off. Whew! Wish I had had a video camera out for that one.

I tell ya - my boys will give me a heart attack someday.

No wonder it wasn't getting any better

2008-12-09T18:27:00.001-08:00

In a follow up to a previous post on medical jargon droppers---- I went back to this dermatologist recently to find out why my finger still looked like it was infected with a flesh eating virus a whole year after I originally went to him to find out how to heal this finger that looked like it was infected with a flesh eating virus. Water hurt it. Air hurt it. I was wearing a vinyl glove to work to keep the chalk off my hand. The kids looked at me like I was crazy. Determined to rid mysel fof a dry-cracked painful knuckle, I wore the gloves to bed every night for a month with the medicine the doctor gave me slathered all over it. I was going to eradicate this stupid "finger cancer" for good.

At the original visit I had 3 areas of "needs improvement": a rash on my eyelid, a dry skin patch inmy pointer that wouldn't heal and something like eczema on my elbows. The doctor gave me 3 ointments to use plus an OTC cream. At home I had no clue what went where. I had to call the office and ask the nurse. There were all sorts of time limits too. Only use Tube X for 14 days on and 7 days off, but Tube Y you can use for 21 says then 14 days off and then the OTC cream you put on before Tube Z but only for a week and then quit using that and just use Tube z. Sounds like an old Bob Newhart comedy sketch.

When I went in this time, he asked me what I was using on it. He said, "Oh, you should use the other stuff on it."
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Thanks.

A week later - my finger is fine.
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Thanks.

Third Time's a charm

2008-12-06T19:31:00.000-08:00

Third year getting an au pair

We finally got it right.

This one is so great. Milly is from South Africa and 19. We were worried about her being young. The first and second were both 21, but it's not age that matters - it's maturity. She is pleasant and helpful. She is good with the boys - takes her job like a teacher and limits their TV time and reads and does activities, crafts, art, puzzles. She is thinking about a career in Occupational Therapy and it just so happens that Matt receives OT at school for a fine motor skill delay. Or disability - or whatever you call it. So she supplements what they do with him at school.

I just realized this is the second post with this title and topic. My mistake, heh, heh, excuse me, heh heh, guess I'll be on my way!!

The others were good - we liked them and it was great. But this one just goes out of her way to make the house neat and clean and to let us know when there was a problem or where she is going. It is a great year so far. Oops - better not say that and jinx myself.

Other people have had nightmarish experiences lately. Host mom number 15 had a German girl come and act like a kid - expecting to be cleaned up after, scratched the car and lied about it. SO she went home. Then the rematch girl was there a week and flew the coop. They found out when she arrived that she doesn't swim and is scared to swim - and they have 4 kids and a pool. Then they heard from a friend of hers that she was a hooker back home. Greaaaaat. Host mom number 3 got laid off from real estate sales and had to call and cancel her new girl coming over.

At $176 a week, she is so worth it, even though it's the biggest expense each month after mortgage. I think it is still cheaper than day care in our area.

The young Madonna or the Old Madonna?

2008-10-28T05:24:00.000-07:00

Remember a few years back, the post office was trying to choose a picture to use on a stamp to honor Elvis? Controversy arose over which image of Elvis would be used: the young (thin) Elvis or the older (fatter) Elvis? Well today I am "The Old (Fat) Madonna."

It's Eighties Day at school for spirit week and here I sit in homeroom wearing dotted tulle gloves with the fingers cut out, a sweat shirt with the neck cut out, a giant bow on my head, leggings and jazz shoes. And I weigh 50 pounds more than I did in high school. Madonna is truly an inspiration to me - she is several years older than me and has had to kids and looks like a million bucks. Even without Guy.

We wondered in the 80's (when we dressed up on 50's day in poodle skirts) "When we are OLD and have teenagers, will they have to dress up 80's on their spirit day?" Yes - it's time - we are OLD now and the young people are dressed up like Olivia Newton-John in neon colored tights and headbands and Madonna in leggings and cut up sweatshirts.

My friend: Erasmus B. Dragon

2008-10-15T20:04:00.000-07:00

Working Mothers Support Group - where are you?!?!

I am a hamster running on a wheel. I get up at 5:30 - teach high schoolers all day - leave at 3:30 or 4 and try to get by the store and run errands, [but sometimes I have to wait until the kids are asleep and go out later] get home to play with the boys, make dinner, eat, clean up, get them bathed and to bed and then it is 9pm and time to go to bed. Or not - stay up and .....I am too brain dead to do anything other than drown in a crossword puzzle or play computer Mah jong. Or drink.

My days are like refereeing a long soccer match and then afterwards, re-suiting up and playing in a football game, getting tackled, breaking up unruly players.

And I have gained 50 pounds I seriously need to lose. I am so not a morning person - I cannot envision myself going to the gym at 4:30 am. I'd have to leave work asap and then get home later than I am supposed to (we get 9 hours day care a day) and I'd not be able to "finish" all the work I need to do.

I think about my weight all the time. It has become an obsession. But what am I doing about it? Nothing. I did stop eating breakfast sandwiches (One has more fat than I need in in a weekly diet!) but haven't been able to kick coffee (which I drink for the sugar) and replace with unhealthy but zero calories Diet Coke and I still crave sweets. And give in to the feeling. I am a glutton. I always said to myself, "Well 140 is high, but I will never be 150 - at that point I would really get busy working out. " Then it became 160, 170 and nor I am like "Well if I see 180 on there I will SO freak out and that will be it." What is wrong with me? This must have a name in psychologists circles. Is it just called "crazy"?

Life of a working mom- it is a greuling exsistance. Working Mothers Support Group - where are you? Not that I'd have time to go to a meeting.......unless there was lots to drink.....

Au pair nightmares

2008-10-09T19:05:00.000-07:00

I have learned a lot about being a host mom. I think it's not for everyone. It is hard - it is a weird situation - you are the employer, but the employee lives with you and they are supposed to be a part of the family.

Some families do it once and swear "never again" - why, I am not sure what it is that has made us a successful family, but it might have to do with good communication skills or being open to talk to. We try to treat them with respect and be kind, but also to give out clear expectations from the start. And accept that no one can 100% replace me - everyone is different. Each girl has had to find her way to be with my kids. Following my directions and yet, being who they are .... well they can't BE me so I can't expect that.

Night mares I have heard of:

* A girl drove HF car to a mall. Left it running with the keys locked inside and went off with friends in their car. HF gets a call from police asking if the car was theirs. She went back home to her country. HF got a new au pair.

* An au pair wanted to go see a local tourist attraction and HF said she could take the car and she went with her one page Map Quest directions. She returned home 2 hours later - having never reached said destination. She stayed with HF for a year and was not very happy. HF did not repeat.

* Au pair criticized her HM for not working outside the home. HM gave the girl deodorant and told her to use it, never took the girl to get her drivers license, and never paid her the full amount each week (a wage set by the State Dept). Both were happy the year was over.

* Au pair arrived for her extension year and was surprised to find that the HM's mom lived with them. Gramma was retired and stayed in the house "supervising" the au pair: asking her how long was she going to be in the bathroom, how many times was she going to go to the bathroom that day, telling her the baby was crying. Au pair rematched.

* Host family wanted to control the cell phone that they provided their au pair. They were paying for it. They feared she would spend too much time on it (chatting when supposed to be watching kids) or run up a high bill. They programmed HF work and cell numbers plus all other family members and close friends who would be able to help in case of an emergency. The phone would not call anyone else or receive calls from other numbers. The phone has some sort of tracking device so they knew where the phone was at all times - and they found out the girl was not taking the phone with her to drop off and pick up the child at school. Their complaint: anyone who can help her if she ran out of gas, got a flat or had a wreck is programmed into the phone. Her complaint: I can't call anyone I want so why take it with me.
When she was driving 45 minutes away to go see a friend, my au pair asked if I minded if Soni took her (Judi's) cell phone in case she got lost (because the HF wouldn't have known how to tell her where to go to how to get unlost- me and my au pair knew the home she was going to but she wouldn't have been able to call us with her cell phone). Neither very happy all year. HF did not repeat.

*HD spoke condescendingly to au pair - why do you care? why is that so important to you? Putting anyone down is in general not very nice. Both were sort of unhappy for a year. HF did not repeat.

*Au pair was vegetarian. HF said "Oh good - we won't have to cook any different for you." (That made me think they were vegetarian too.) In reality they didn't cook at all - living on take out and pizza delivery. Au pair complained about eating pasta all the time - that was all they had for her to eat. She asked HM for eggs and HM returned from store - having forgotten eggs. She offered her some cookies and doughnuts instead. AP said she was eating nothing but cereal for dinner. Neither happy for year. HF didn't repeat. AP extended with another family and they gave her a food allowance each week so she could buy the food she wanted to cook for herself.

*Au pair wanted to rematch after 2 weeks and wouldn't really give the HF any reasons - said HF. AP said she was freezing in their AC, didn't like her schedule (3 to 10 pm when the child was crying for mom all the time - and the HF made child stay up late to see them). AP rematched but didn't complete her year in US. HF successfully rematched.

*A HF communicated with AP for 6 months prior to her arrival via webcam. They got very close and liked each other very much. When girl arrived she turned out to be lazy with her duties and not as exigeant with discipline as the HF wanted. Didn't clean up after herself or help in general around house. AP returned to home country and HF rematched.

*AP dropped off child at school at the moment the school opened, but due to inclement weather the school staff were late and AP left the child on the street by school door in the sleet waiting for the school to open. AP went AWOL to marry American.

*AP ate a banana at lunch and fed child one too. That night HM told AP that there had been 12 bananas that morning and now there were only 10 and asked why she fed the child 2 when they said he could only have 1 a day. AP rematched. HF was not allowed to get a new AP since this was the 2nd one they had had in a year and they both complained about food.

*AP came from a poor country and part of her house had a dirt floor. She compulsively cleaned the HF house all the time. The mom felt guilty and we are not allowed by law to pay them extra for any extra work they do. So HF bought her a laptop to thank her for the house cleaning. A great year for all.

*HF wanted to be nice and gave the new AP a new MP3 player. AP left 3 weeks later to rematch and she did NOT return the MP3 player. Same situation, different family - gave her a nice gold charm bracelet thinking they would give her a charm for each month of the year she was there. Girl left and took it with her. HF mistake: giving teh 2nd girl the same kind of bracelet - she took off after a week - awol. Family did not stay in program.

*AP went online to listen to home country radio station. The website said that you could text in song requests and shout outs for free. Well they meant for free if you texted from the country. So after 33 international texts at $3 each she had a huge phone bill, which her HF paid for and forgave in exchange for a few hours extra work. Both enjoyed a good year.

*AP would make the kids beds with the wrong and or mismatched sheets and when corrected by HM she argued with her that it was ok and asked why couldn't they change now and then. Neither had a great year.

*AP left cup of water by lap top and kid spilled water on it. Instead of turning it upside down to let it dry, she plugged it in and turned it on to see if it still worked and it was fried. AP went home. HF rematched.

Third time's a charm!

2008-10-09T18:48:00.000-07:00

Au pair #3 is a dream come true. Sweet, professional, intuitive. She never complains, eats dinner with us (and says 'thank you' after every meal), attends church with us and is a perfect fit with our family. She is always helpful around the house. Finishes her job before I get home. I can't say good enough things about her.

#1 did extend with another family and married her naturalized boy friend (from her same country). They are happy and working on getting her green card.

#2 returned to home country to finish college.

Everyone has their own way of doing things

2008-10-09T18:33:00.000-07:00

During our pre-marital counseling with the priest, he told us that some couples get divorced over little stuff like how to properly load a dishwasher. "Do you rinse or not rinse?" He pointed out that as long as the dishes got clean at the end, it doesn't matter how they get that way. I have tried to let this attitude of tolerance reign in my home for the sake of my marriage - and elsewhere in my life so I might have less stress and worry.

Weird stuff I wonder sometimes and have actually polled friends about how they do stuff:

--Do you step into the shower into the front (near the shower head) or the back (away from the end with the drain / shower)? If you have a hinged door then think about a hotel shower - what would you do there?

--When finished with the shower, do you pull your towel into the shower to dry off in there? Or do you step out wet and then dry off standing on the bath mat?

--When loading flatware in the dishwasher, do you put the tines and blades up or down? Do you put like items together or do you mix them in each section of the basket?

--Do you make the bed with the top flat sheet facing up or down? (Like with the print on top or the print on the bottom so when folded back the print shows)

--Did Santa leave wrapped presents under your tree? Or were they unwrapped and only the family gifts were wrapped?

--Do you eat butter on a muffin (which is really an unfrosted cupcake)?

--Do you cut sandwiches horizontally (so that the 2 halves are different - 1 rounded and 1 square) or vertically (so that the 2 halves are symmetrical with a curved top and square bottom or diagonally (diagonally)?

--Do you prefer to eat fries dipped into ketchup or squirted with ketchup?

I wonder if I should have been a sociologist.

Misplaced Olympian Children

2008-10-05T14:10:00.000-07:00

My kids cannot be mine. Somewhere out there in Stork world there was a mix-up. These 2 sweet little boys were given to me instead of their Olympic track star mother they were obviously destined to. They run. Not just now and then. Like Forest Gump run. Like Track Star run. They take off and do not stop.

We attended an outdoor festival today. Our neighbor was there with her little girl (same age as our 2 year old Drew) and she noted:"My little Rina wanders, but she won't run away like yours. She has about a 20 yard radius." Mine are always running and running away. At 18 months Matty would run out any open door that he saw and continue down any path (Forrest Gump style): a driveway, a sidewalk, a street, a path , a road, anything. And littel brother Drewey runs the same way - with one exception: he looks over his shoulder - he looks to see if I am following him. Matt was gone like a shot - no regrets - no looking back - off like a shot.

And when my 40 year old butt tries to haul after them I swear I CANNOT keep up. They truly run faster than me - I have to lose 50 pounds and get back to my pre-kid weight to even think about competeing with Thing 1 and Thing 2 - they are that fast. Taking after my father - the 440 runner, uh, no not quite, but those are some genes I need to tap into.

I guess I'll be thankful one day that I am the mom of Olympic medalists and be proud. Right now it is enough to drive me batty. You'd think all the running would help me lose weight, but alas, it isn't enough......

What my world needs so badly

2008-08-13T19:13:00.000-07:00

I went out of state to visit and found oh so many things to export to my weird state:

- 6 lane roads with turning lanes

-drive thru ATMs

-a free standing Chick-fil-a

-fast food restaurants with indoor playgrounds

-lots of places for kids to go play (indoor inflatable playgrounds, museums, etc..)

-real drive thru affordable automatic car washes

-free roads - no tolls

You'd think I lived in some midwestern podunk surrounded by corn fields on all sides for 500 miles, but I don't. This place sucks for many reasons. But it does have good schools and beaches... and that's all I am comin' up with........

Au pairs compared

2008-06-26T21:11:00.000-07:00

Number 1 was nice but lacked the ability to discipline the boys. She desired no social life and went almost no where during her 365 days with us. She contented herself to talking on the phone (in her native language) to her boyfriends and friends. She did accidentally spill bleach on the carpet in her room and then cut it out and try to cover it up, but we kept her. We weren't willing to go through the matching process halfway through her time with us.

Number 2 is nice and is very good with discipline. Everyone is different. Her personality is more reserved and she has sought out friendships with other au pairs as well as Americans her age. She goes out all the time and has had a great time. She went out and broke her wrist skating and we kept her too. The time we had to spend taking off work and taking her to appointments was really a strain on our family. I don't think we'd do it again.

The next one arrives in August. She seems very responsible, enthusiastic and serious about doing a good job. All the screening the agency does and then all the interviewing you do..... I still think you might have just as good luck pulling a name out of a hat.

Think au pairs are for the rich? Not so. It comes out cheaper that a day care center if you have more than 1 child. You have to be willing for them to live in your house and make them an adult daughter who lives with you. You have to be good at communication. I have seen some unhappy families and au pairs and I think they were not communicating well enough to get all their needs met. In my professional life, I have never done hiring and firing, so this was a new thing for me: managing an employee. Overall, we have enjoyed it. Not for the cultural exchange part especially, but for the convenience of not having to drive all over town before and after work to drop off and pick up the kids. Once I told a friend I was going to pick up a sitter on a weekend night. They said, "What about the au pair?" Well, she only works 45 hours a week: 7:30 am - 4:30 pm. These girls aren't your slaves. I also liked the secure feeling I get when my husband is away and there is another adult in the house - if anything happened and I had to rush someone to the ER or something, she is there to help in a pinch. I had trouble finding a day care center that opened early enough for me to make it to my job on time (we begin at 7:20 am). Now Matt stays home until his bus picks up at 8:45am.

Think about it - if you have more than 1 kid, an extra bedroom and want to reduce your stress in the daily morning and afternoon transportation frenzy, hiring an au pair might be for you.

Santa Fe Opera like being in prison

2008-06-26T20:36:00.000-07:00

I once had the opportunity to attend Cosi Fan Tutte at the Santa Fe Opera House- a gorgeous amphitheater where you watch the setting sun just before the show gets started. I have been a lifelong patron of the arts: orchestra, ballet, drama, museums - you name it. I have been to shows in many fine theaters in the US and abroad: the Paris Opera House, Lincoln Center, Philadelphia's Kimmel Center, Braodway theaters, Atlanta's Fox Theater, etc, etc.... I know good manners and proper theater etiquette. I have been a performer and I appreciate audiences that know how to behave in such a venue.

So before this show began in Santa Fe, we were out in the "lobby" (being an outdoor theater, it was outside, so maybe you just call it a terrasse....) enjoying a drink and chatting before taking our seats. I took my camera from my purse and asked someone to take our picture. We said cheese and they snapped the photo. An usher then approached me and politely explained that cameras were not allowed in the theater. I apologized and told him I would of course keep it in my bag once I entered the house. He said that I could not do that - I had to check the camera or take it to the car. I thought he was trying to tell me the standard "no flash photography allowed during the performance for the safety of the performers" or "no recordings may be made of the copyrighted material allowed" speech they do before the curtain rises. No he was telling me that I could not carry the camera inside with me at all. Like you can't carry your gun on the airplane with you. I really thought he was kidding. He would not leave my side - he was practically insisting on escorting me to the coat check or to the car. I continued the conversation about how one time when I was at the Musee d'Orsay in Paris I witnessed a tourist taking a flash picture of the art work and I told this guy how disrespectful I thought it was of the patron not to follow the rules when it was clearly stated that flash phtography was not allowed. The man would not leave me alone.

I couldn't believe that all these other places I had been simply made a request that no one use a camera and no one did. And that somehow in Santa Fe they did not trust that anyone would follow the directions when asked to. Out in the middle of the desert, do the wild outlaws invade theaters regularly and shoot pictures during operas? I felt like I was being treated like a simple idiot who did not have any class. I felt very put down and untrustworthy. I thought this was ridiculous. I did finally find the friend I rode with - got his key - schlep out to the car and stow my highly dangerous apparatus. Then I asked to speak to the house manager. I very politely talked with her for a few minutes. She was a good customoer service rep - politely listened with empathy - apologized for the stalker usher, but still maintained the rule about no cameras.

So are they strip searching every ticketholder for food or cigarettes - who knows? They might just start jonesin' for a smoke half way through Act 1 and light up right there in Row C. Or maybe their ushers are trained to watch for gum-chewers sticking their used wads under the seat. Or some who can't wait for the après-thater nosh - he might rattle open a bag of Cheetoes during a recitative.

I think that is the stupidest thing in the world. They don't do this in New York, London, Paris (well, after 9-11 they did search more people's bags, but it wasn't cameras they were looking for), but for some reason, Santa Fe, New Mexico is attracting some kind of sickos who want to watch opera singers eyes glaze over after having a flash go off in their face or weird "opera pirates" - I bet You Tube is full of pirated recordings of Greek tragedies and Italian operas. Watch out Santa Fe! Get metal detectors and X-ray machines. What will cultured partons of the arts do next to try to sabotage your show?

What time do you open?!?!?!?!?

2008-06-26T20:32:00.000-07:00

I want all businesses in America to listen up - right now! Please, for the love of all humanity, make your front window sign that tells the hours you open and close VERY LARGE!!! Large enough so that any customer can read the times from the CAR!!!!!!! This irks me to no end - can you tell? I hate driving up and wanting to check and see if the place I want to go is open or not. I don't want to park the car, get out of the car, walk up to the door and pull the handle only to find it locked. If I have my kids with me I especially do not want to have to do this. Seat belts on kids are tough and 3 year olds do not understand when you tell them the candy store is closed. Please hlep my cause - I want to start a revolution!!!! To the barricades!!!

Hurricane Drew

2008-03-16T19:58:00.000-07:00

Ok - he is only 2, but trying to keep up with his brother.
In fact, he has done stuff Matty never dreamed of and it scares me. All of it. Terribly.

-drew on the computer screen with black permanent marker

-regularly climbs up and sits on the kitchen table, and sometimes, stands to swing the light haning there (you hear the expression "swinging from the chandelier"? - well, it is just a matter of time I am afraid..)

- regularly climbs up the back of the kitchen chair I am sitting in (quietly) and starts blowing on my hair (I dread the day I don't see/feel him there and I get up

- spashes in the tub like there is no tomorrow. Matt stands up and says, "Help mommy - wipe my face wipe, wipe..."

-gets into the dryer and closes the door

- has no fear of any playground equipment - slides, walls, stairs, swings

-is a hair twirler and I swear one day I will have dreds from all his twisting and pulling - or maybe I'll be bald. I am letting his hair grow out. Let him pull his own hair.

We didn't all go to medical school

2008-03-16T19:17:00.001-07:00

I teach, so I am used to telling people something and then they write it down in a notebook. Sometimes I even write what I want them to know on a chalkboard so that they can see what is important to write down. This way they know what I just told them. They can look back at their notes to se what I said - especially if it was important information.

So I hate when I go to the doctor's office and they tell you to take two of these three times a day on even days only and put this cream on your elbow for 10 days on and 5 days off and this other ointment on your knee twice a day for 3 days with 7 days off. I walk out confused and wondering what the heck I am supposed to do with my packages from CVS. Usually the pharmacist can decipher the doctor's heiroglyphice from the RX sheet, but there have been times I had to ask again or call the office and confirm.

My mom is not good at being assertive. She is a product of her culture and her era. She has gone to the pharmacy and come home with meds she didn't think she needed and meds she didn't even know what they were for.

I wish doctors approached their jobs as if they were a teacher - teaching the patient like a student of their own health. Explain or better yet instruct the patient as to what medication to use when and where and have them write it down so they know what they are doing and using the meds right.

I also remember being in the hospital after my first c-section and someone (a nurse) asked me what did I want for pain. I do not know what the names of any pain medication are - I am a teacher, not a doctor, pharmacist or nurse. So my answer was, "I don't know." So I got nothing. I sat writhing in pain - crying for 4 days with no medication at all. It was horrible. But I didn't know any better - this was my first hospitalization ever. Why would a worker in the medical field think everyone knows all the jargon or vocabulary of their field? I don't call my students' parents and drop slang like CST, M-team, jigsaw, aural participation, dbq, curricular objective, xyz pdq, et cetera and assume they know what I am talking about.

My advice to anyone going to a doctor or hospital: treat it like school. Take pen and paper. Write it all down - especially any directions or instructions about your care or health. Ask questions - stand up and be an advocate for yourself. Get what you need and don't be afraid to say, "Can you please tell me what you are talking about?"

TIme Flies

2008-03-16T19:06:00.000-07:00

Almost a year between posts. I have been so busy this year I have, at different times, not had time to ......
- wash my hair
- mail in insurance claims
- tear a coupon off something I'm buying to get something else free
- call to schedule my kids doctor's visit
-go to dance class
- call friends
- e-mail friends
- go to the gym
- eat lunch
- apply for a scholarship I needed/wanted
- get a nice jacket mended
- put on make up
- put the thousands of photos of the kids in albums
- buy a gift card for the school fundraiser
- get a haircut

I was talking to a friend in 2006 about how with a 2 year old and a newborn, I didn't have time for a shower that day and she (having no kids) told me I could have made time for it.

I think it is different for everyone. Maybe for me it was a shower I was willing to forego, but to someone else it might be something else. Eating, shopping, wearing shoes, blogging - whatever. But parents do give up something because the kids need you more. Recently I was driving alone thinking that I might not want to move from ths stupid state because it might not be the right thing for my kids. Whoooo. Scary. Did I just sound like a parent?

Strange habits

2007-05-29T19:41:00.001-07:00

Well, the au pair has been in my closet - she hangs the hangers backwards from me - (hook pointing out) and I found a few things turned that way one day. There are no photos of her wearing them in her photos on our computer, but there were some of her in a sex-kitten pose on her bed wearing her lingerie. She rented some On Demand movies which is fine if she wants to pay for them, but "Borat"? I am not sure with her limited English that she could "get it".

My mom was visiting us for a week and she reported that she went outside in the backyard and just sunbathed while the kids played in the sandbox. They are 3 and 1 - they really need more attention than that.

I shouldn't complain - she helps us so much. She cleaned the house while we went away one weekend. At night she is off, but if I need help for a few minutes, she will watch one or the other for me.

She is not getting married this August as once planned, but she will extend her visa and get another host family closer to her boy friend for the next year.
It has been an interesting cultural exchange.

Hurricane Matt

2007-05-29T19:25:00.000-07:00

Things my 3 year old has done that I just couldn't believe:

Thrown the new cordless phone in the toilet
Poured out my fingernail polish remover down the sink (better there than on the carpet)
Put coins in the car CD player
Put numerous toys in the Diaper Genie
Taken the air vents off and poured his drink down them
Thrown a whole box of Q-Tips in the potty
Ripped off wallpaper in dining room at Aunt Sue's
Painted the toilet seat lid with my mascara brush
Threw away my $200 to replace car key (on a sweltering day in August - yes, I found it outside in the garbage - my husband made me)
Called 2 of my friends and left messages on their machines
Put the pepper shaker in his mouth (yes, he got a mouthfull)
Taken the stuffing out of couch cushions and tossed it all over the room
Brushed his teeth with water he got from dipping toothbrush in toilet

Said "hello? hello?" into the toilet brush and when I went to get it from him, he ran across the lawn toward the street and he stopped on the sidewalk and said "lollypop" and ...yes... he licked it.

Au pair - what an experience

2007-01-28T17:08:00.000-08:00

We hired an au pair this year for day care. Our toddler was so aggressive he almost got kicked out of the center he used to go to. Then we had another and with a traveling husband, well... it made sense to have some one here to have as backup when he is away.

There are many terrible problems that you could encounter with an au pair and I admis that we don't have the worst of these. She could have run away, or been a druggie or liked to party til all hours. But she is nice, we get along, she is a homebody and she takes good care of the kids.

Still - weird problems we have seen. First we were worried that she was on the computer all day instead of watching the boys like she should. So I checked the temporary internest files. It was full of adult sites. Cookies saved in there showed (yes, the pictures were in there) of all kinds of bodies, body parts, positions, closeups, et cetera.... I don't care if people want to look at that - I have before, but we have kids. What is they saw that stuff? She is supposed to be working. What if you did that at work? You'd get fired.

She finally went out with some other nannies to a club one night and came back with pictures of her and all these guys. Safety for my kids is #1. So we had a chat about safety and how we didn't want her to tell anyone where we lived and that she was alone all day with kids.

So then I got even more suspicipus and did something totally unscrupulous: I logged into her e-mail to see what was there. All in her foreign language, I couldn't read any of it - except the ones from an Internet dating service where she'd signed up as a "girl seeking girl." Not that anything's wrong with that. She had told me she had a boy friend back in Europe.

A month later we find out that she has been "phone dating" a native of her country who lives in the US now. She said a mutual friend introduced them. They are talking on the phone all the time. Like 5 hour marathons from 9 pm to 2 am(we pay for her cell phone and get the bills). Then we are with another au pair and she asks Martina how she met the guy. She says (right in front of me), "Chat room" I confronted her about lying to me or the other girl. She told me she forgot. Oscar Mayer Bologna.

Next she wants to fly to Minnesota and meet him. So I charge a ticket on my credit card (she paid me back)- long story short - after all kinds of worry that her dad will kill me, that she will just take off on us, or that he'll be a serial killer and she's dead somewhere - she comes home engaged. Going to get married before her visa expires and get a green card. Seems mighty convenient, right? My mother thinks it is an arranged marriage, but her culture isn't like one of those countries that regularly does that. I don't know. Whatever.

Ok so check this out. She went away for the weekend and my dear old goes in to her room to vacuum and he says, "Uh, sweetheart...have you been in here lately?" I went to the door and see this hole in the carpet. Not a hole - a patched hole. We nose around and find a piece of carpet about 12 inches by 14 inches in her closet that she had cut out - it had 2 big bleach stains on it. She had gone into the basement and found some carpet scraps and cut a patch to fit. But it didn't fit too well. It was really obvious - ruined. Dear old was so mad. I was just bewildered. Why on earth would you do that?

More updates as they happen.

I am not really a Lactivist, but yeah, I guess I am...

2006-07-28T09:16:00.000-07:00

I can't believe the uproar about nursing your infant in public. Well, sure I can. This is America, right?

Breastfeeding:
It is feeding a baby, people. If you see a mother nursing, she is nourishing her child. All your kids learn about it in school in 7th grade science class - that is why we are called mammals. That is how we get milk - from a cow's boob, just with lots of middle men (or machines). It shouldn't be some secret. The secret is that some adults engage in similar behavior (mouth and boob) for sexual pleasure. But I bet your kids know all about that from TV and movies - just please don't tell them a breast was made by The Creator for the purpose of feeding a child.

Now the public thing.
I understand it makes some uncomfortable. Most moms are probably uncomfortable doing it in public. I nursed my baby to age 6 months and I was not super comfortable doing it in public. But I couldn't stay locked in my house for that long. I had to get out. And babies aren't the most patient things. Sometimes they gotta eat. And then it's eat or scream and I think I'd offend you less by modestly nursing under a blanket than by having my kid scream bloody murder in a restaurant.

What is the issue? SEEING the breast or just knowing that someone is doing it in your presence? Are some people such perverts that they can think of nothing else but sex when they just see a breast? I am way more comfortable seeing a nursing mother's breast than I am seeing some scantily clad lady's boobs hanging out of a push up bra. And I see that all the time - I rarely see a nursing mom in public.

Is it that you might have to explain it to your kid? The 7th grade science teacher already did!! And if you act uncomfortable talking about it because YOU think it's sex related, then you are just giving your kid more sex info! He probably never thought about it until you acted embarrassed about it.

People have the right to feed their children. I feel when I have to do it in public that I have the responsibility to be courteous to others. As I would not start yelling loudly in a restaurant, nor would I whip out the boob for all to see. NOR would I go hide in my car or the dirty restroom to feed my baby. Please explain to your children if they ask what the lady is doing and that it is what the body was made for. Don't get into some sexual issue. It's not unless you mention it.

Here's the article that prompted this post:
http://www.comcast.net/news/health/index.jsp?cat=HEALTHWELLNESS&fn=/2006/07/27/443369.html&cvqh=itn_cover

Right next to the article about a mother breastfeeding on the cover of a parenting magazine was a Victoria's Secret ad with a well endowed model with large breasts. Is that offensive? Is she buying the bra for support or to turn on her boy friend? Are people offended by the latter? I guess I am not seeing the difference. Unless the viewer of the two images has a dirty mind and cannot see a breast without going to sexual thoughts.

I hate extremeism and I hate debate. I know, I sit on the fence on many issues. I may be wishy washy or it may be that I just like finding middle ground. Moms, try to not disrobe in public and Public, please try to remember it is a natural and necessary part of bringing a child into the world, it's not perverted.

Black Friday - to shop or not to shop?

2006-07-21T08:49:00.000-07:00

I have always refused to go shopping on the day after Thanksgiving. The TV reporters go out into the madness and show us how bad the parking is and how long the check out lines are. I worked in a department store years ago during the Christmas season. Working on December 26th gave me my first eye witness experience of the throng rushing in at 6 am to grab all the left over Hallmark ornaments (75% off). The cash register didn't stop for an hour. I kept wondering why the security guard had showed up at my post before they opened and then stayed around. He knew what I didn't - I was the one to be most swamped. It really soured me to holiday shopping and I have continued to eye anyone suspiciously who says, "I love to go shopping on the day after Thanksgiving!"

My first Thanksgiving as a Mrs., I find myself at the table with my husband's female relatives discussing when to leave for the mall the next morning. I traditionally avoid shopping the day after Thanksgiving - the worst day of all to be out in the mess with the crazy road-raging bargain hunters. And here I’d married into a family of Black Friday shoppers.

There was some sale at Best Buy until 8 am, so they wanted to go at 7 am. I just had to tell them I could not do 7 am. They said, “We'll come back for you, how about 9?” “Great,” I said shooting a look at the Mr. that said, "Save me!" but he just grinned back, ignoring my plea. Later I asked if I couldn't just stay with him and his brother and his kids and watch football and clean out their mom's gutters. He said, "Go on - it won't be too bad (this from a man whose longest shopping trip to the mall was 17 minutes). Besides, you hardly know my sister at all. You should spend some time with her."

I had the worst memories of Christmas shopping: rude drivers cutting you off in the lot, people grabbing scarf and mitten sets off a table at Penney's when a sale price was announced, having to circle the food court like a vulture to get a table, impossibly long lines at cash registers. We set off for the mall at 9 as planned with Lora and Sue telling tales of their early morning door buster experience at 7 am. (Whatever they had wanted at Best Buy was gone by 7:15 when they arrived.) In the van, I gave my self a stern lecture: You are not having to drive in traffic or purchase anything - You do not have to be hassled today - You are not in a hurry - You are here for female bonding - Put a smile on your face and have a positive, patient attitude. We pulled up and easily got a parking place. I internally chanted, "Serenity Now" a few times. It turned out to be a pretty good day, but I don’t remember buying anything. We got home and Bill was happy I'd spent time becoming one of the gals.

Thanksgivingthe next year. We are again with my husband’s family. We go to the mall at 9 am. This year, I am buying. I had decided that if I had to spend the day in a mall and waiting on them, I might as well be getting some shopping done, too. If a line is too long, then forget it. It is still 25 days or more until Christmas. We hit strip malls and Target and Best Buy; we hit some small specialty stores; we attacked the mall; we sent Lora to Chik-fil-a with our orders while the other five roamed the seating area staring down people camping out at their tables. By 3:30, fatigue had set in and someone suggested going home. I said, "But wait, we haven't been toMacy’s!! Or The Gap!" Lora looks at Sue and says, "Oh, no, we've created a monster. Come on, everyone - two more stores to go."

So, I guess my advice is to go later in the day on the day after Thanksgiving and don't get in a long line if you aren't going to make up your mind to be very patient. The crazy, frustrated shoppers seem to come out more on the weekends closer to Christmas. Desperation and hurry kill their holiday spirit. I do remember some really dead time while working the department store that one season. The last hour of the shopping day, was always dead. Being alone in a department store, you can admire the decorations and shop at leisure. You can actually hear the piped in Christmuz Muzak. The clerks are bored and glad to actually have a customer to ring up to break the monotony.

Thanksgiving the following year. I am home with my family. I say to my mom and sister, "What time do we want to leave for the mall tomorrow?" They look at me as if I just suggested that we stuff the turkey with Jello. Heh, heh, heh, I think - two more to be initiated into this holiday ritual.

Choosing a dance school

2006-07-20T13:53:00.000-07:00

I have been watching "So you think you can dance?" this summer. During the first auditions there were several dancers who said they were dance teachers by profession. Some dancers were so abysmal, that the judges implored them not to teach dance anymore. They said, "Please do not take anyone else's money again to teach them dance." I thought it wise advice and I wondered if that ruined anyone's career. Can you imagine seeing your child's dance teacher on TV being told by award winning dancers and choreographers that they are awful? I am certiain that happened somewhere. And had it been my kid, he wouldn't have gone back to Miss Hazel's School of Dance anymore.

Here's my advice on how to choose a good dance school for your child:

Go to recitals. In the spring visit recitals of the schools you are interested in. See if it is a professional artmosphere. Look for good dancing. Would you want to have you kid on this stage? Are the advanced dancers good? That could be your little Susie in 10 years.

One school I danced in as a teen had terrible recitals. The owner rented out a theater and tried to have every class do a separate dance and do all the classes in one night. So it lasted about 6 hours. The aisles were constantly streaming with parents who would watch their child dance and get up and leave. Tacky, but I understand. I wouldn't want to sit there from 6 till midnight either.

Talk to other dance parents. Ask about the school's policies, classes, fees. Find out the teacher's background and philosophy of teaching. Do the teachers continue their dance education?

My mom's cousin took her kids to the aforementioned school. After a few years they quit. The costumes were $60-80 each and if you had a jazz/tap combination class the teachers would choose 2 different costumes. Like why not use the same costume for both with removeable pieces? Wear the skirt for tap and wear the hat for jazz. Some parents have 2 or 3 kids in dance - imagine how much that cost them! Same cousin said every year at the recital the dancers were no better than they were the year before and some routines were just passed on down to the class below them - same music, same choreography. Who wants to go to a recital like that? Boring! Look out for these "recital mill" schools. Is the the teacher just teaching a routine to the student? Or is the teacher creating a dancer from your child? Is your kid learning how to be a good dancer? Or just memorizing a routine? In my humble opinion, it is a waste of time for a child to take classes just to dance in a show every spring in a glitzy costume and not have learned about dance and how to dance and to perform better.

Visit schools before your kid signs up. Observe if possible a class and meet the teachers. Some teachers are very strict and "old school" about their policies. One ballet school I taught at had a policy that parents do not watch class. There were 3 weeks through the year when parents were invited to view class. You don't go to school with your kids, why go to dance with them? You don't trust the teacher? Switch dance schools. Let your child go - go and be an individual and develop on their own. They (and other dancers and the teacher) will only be distracted by your presence.

Look at the studio where the classes are taught. Is there enough room for a group to move? Is there a well constructed dance floor? Any floor surface over concrete is NOT appropriate for any kind of dance or any age dancer. The floor should be raised off concrete so as to "give" when it is jumped on. Dancing on a concrete floor at all can cause injuries to feet, ankles, knees... Any teacher too cheap to do it right is not concerned enough for the well-being of the kids and in my opinion just wants your money.

Two issues I guess I am on the fence about: age to start dancing and competition teams.

I think it depends on your child and the class offered, but I don't believe in starting a kid in ballet at age 2 or 3. I think pre-schoolers should be in a creative movement class and not expected to perform in recitals. They can start ballet at 5 or 6. I have seen too many kids who completely fell apart on stage. When they are so young, they don't know if they want to be on stage or not. Having a bad first experience could guarantee you that they won't be a dancer. There is nothing wrong with waiting and not pushing the child to do something YOU want them to do.

I was in a performing dance company from 7th grade through high school. We performed at community events and had recitals and a few times we were in contests. Then I remember we didn't compete anymore and I asked my teacher why. She said something about performing to entertain and be the best dancers we could be and not caring who won. I guess I look at dance as an art, rather than a sport although the lines are blurred around ice skating, gymnastics, ballroom dance. What do you want for your kid? What does the kid want? Competitive dance is a different arena from just performing dance. Rewards can be just as great for a dancer who danced well, regardless of if a trophy was awarded or not.

A State like no other

2006-07-14T15:22:00.000-07:00

When I moved to this corner of Suburbia in 2001, I noted so many differences between this place and other states I'd lived/traveled in, I thought they should offer a special course to aid new residents to assimilate into their culture. I started searching Amazon for a book on the topic, as surely I was not the only one seeing how different this place was from the rest of the United States.

My background? Not a stay at home country bumpkin, no sir. As a foreign language teacher I had spent my life studying foreign culture. I came to appreciate the differences between American and other ways of life. I understood how others live, even thought very different from my American lifestyle. I have travelled to [pause to count] 9 other countries and 43 of the 50 states. I have lived in the South, West, Midwest and Northeast. I have no problem operating under the "when in Rome" philosophy when abroad. But this was the US. Why did I feel like such a foreigner in my native country?

In 49 states this is how we operate:
-we have full interchanges at every exit on major 4 lane divided highways (usually called Interstates). You can get off to eat, shop, get gas etc and re-enter the road at the same location.
Here you can get off and you can only turn around and go the other direction at some interchanges.

-we store shopping carts inside the store, not out in the rain, cold, snow.
Here you have to get a cart before entering the store.

-on most large roads, we have a middle safety lane for making a left turn (we call it the turning lane)
Here you have a lot of 2 lane roads where drivers turning left have to block the lane they're in, or you have a long concrete barrier down the center that prevents a left turn at all. (one native called the turning lane the" chicken lane." People here do not trust it.)

-we don't pass on the right because it is illegal. (I am sure some drivers nationwide do, but it is not common practice.) Most roads are not paved on the right to allow this anyway.
Here people do it all the time and the shoulders are paved. They do it everywhere - even in intersections.

-we have fundraisers for charitable causes
Here they do that too, but they also do public begging -approved by municipalities for the beggers to station themselves at red lights to just ask for coins from passing cars. I have seen this a few times only for some horrible cureless disease. Here they do it for a local baseball team's uniforms or a high school chess club to go to a regional competition.

-we have wide checkout lanes in stores like Target, Walmart as well as at grocery stores
Here we have teeny narrow check out lanes in grocery stores. Makes getting food out of cart difficult. You can't walk around the cart for any reason.

- we have tons of 24/7 gas stations
Here you better not run out of gas after 10 pm - no station is open

- we have ice cream parlors and they stay open year round
Here, they all close from September through May

- we can ask the bill to be split by the waiter in a restaurant and refills on coffee, tea and soda are free
Here, forget separate checks. You better be good at math and have cash.

-we have drive-thru ATMs at most banks and many other drive thru businesses (dry cleaners, etc)
Here, no dice. You have to get out of the car and walk inside. Not convenient for a mom with kids in thr car.

-we sit at bar to drink and we run a tab (settle up at the end) or we pay by the drink
Here you pay for the first drink and are expected to leave your change on the bar all night.

Doesn't it sound so old fashioned? It was like moving from one state to 1954. And my city isn't population 342 - a cornfield with one traffic light. It is a midsize metro area with burbs sprawling from a downtown. Does it have good things about it? Yes. Can I live with it? Yes, for a while. But it is so unlike the other [pause to count] 5 states I have lived in. Other "foreigners" I meet notice the same weird stuff, too - it's not just me.

If all that sounds familiar, you probably live there, too. We should just secede from the union so people who come here don't try using their knowledge of American culture to get along.

Being the mother of boys

2006-07-14T14:14:00.000-07:00

I always thought I'd have girls. I was the oldest of 2 girls. My mother was the mother of girls, so when I was going to become a mom myself, it seemed so natural to be the mother of girls. The word "baby" to me was synonymous in my mind with the word "girl". The thought of a baby also brought about images of pink and dolls and bunnies and blonde little angels.

God had other plans.

When I first found out I was carrying a boy I was hysterically depressed for about 48 hours and then I just snapped out of it. I went through disappointment that it wasn't a girl at the same time suffering horrible guilt that I felt that way. I told my self how selfish I was "At least you can conceive and have a kid when so many cannot." I told God terrible things - things I am ashamed to admit that they even crossed my mind. I went through all 5 of Kubler-Ross' stages of loss. I thought, "OK so it's a boy. Next time I'll have a girl."

Once again - God in charge, not me.

This time I went through the same emotions, but with more anger (which I didn't think possible). There wasn't going to be a next time. I only wanted 2 kids. Try for a girl next? Oh, no. Not me. With my luck it'd be another boy. I can hardly handle the first boy as he goes through a terrible two phase. Where was my little girl? God, don't you know I always wanted a girl?

I grew up playing Barbie, doing crafts, taking ballet. Sports? Forget it. Camping and dirt? No way. What the heck do I know about raising little boys?

In retrospect, I was destined to have boys. After all I had always been one of the boys. I had a bunch of guy friends in college that I felt more comfortable with hanging out, going out with and most importantly, being myself with than I ever had with groups of girls. Sometimes I make a new friend and later find myself chatting more easily with the husband. Not flirting, just talking. From my original college gang, we are still friends and have been in each others' weddings, are godparents to each others' children and still travel to see each other. I married one of that gang and am eternally grateful for that.

The other day Matt had taken my toothbrush and cleaned the floor with it. Later I was squatting down fastening Drew into his car seat and was tackled from behind, causing me to fall forward and almost squash the baby. Then I was washing my hands and Matt came up and hugged my legs and kissed me right on my butt. A delightful squeal from the terrible two. I laughed until I cried. God, I asked, are you sure about this? And I realized that after all this time wishing for girls, it seemed so right to be the mother of boys.

Welcome

2006-06-06T09:44:00.000-07:00

Hi! My friends know I can always talk. And keep talking and talking. So I made a blog so I can talk and you only have to "listen" if you want to. I am not sure what my purpose is here... to vent, rant and rave? To be creative? To communicate with friends and family in one spot? This is an experiment and I guess I will figure it out as I go.