Monday, December 20, 2010

Is this my midlife crisis?

I was surprised this week to think about the industry in which I work (and have been working in for 19 years) and realize I really do not believe it jives with my values. Well, I must say that I have not attained full values clarification level- and I feel conflicted about that on a regular basis.

But I teach in the public schools in America and I just looked at the system as a whole and thought, "This is for the fricking birds."

I can't begin to describe its shortcomings - some of them the public hears about all the time - and some are known only by the people who work inside it.  Most of the problem I think is just the American society ind its values in general. I was shocked to feel this way. Didn't know that was in there. Didn't see it coming.

I have studied in France and have studied French culture and society. I do not want to be French and every time I come home from there I feel so grateful to be home - in my country. Where i feel at home and comfortable. So suddenly I face a future where I don't think I want to part of the problem ( as I see it) because I certainly could only be a tiny and thus ineffective, part of the solution. Plus I have 2 young children - and if I switch careers, they are stll facing growing up as American students.

I wanna move to England.

Oh boy.

That was a shock. I was thinking that I would want to move to a country with a decent education system and one that would not handicap my 3 men and their monolingualistic state. (For now - they all gotta learn to speak French - someday...)

Or do I stay here and raise my kids in a system that doesn't ask muych of the kids - where parents regularly try to get their kids out of trouble, out of doing work, cause they just want the kids to succeed - their definition of success with no failure on thte road which is a farce in itself.

Crisis waned in the face of holidays , exams, end of term business....what to think now?