Number 1 was nice but lacked the ability to discipline the boys. She desired no social life and went almost no where during her 365 days with us. She contented herself to talking on the phone (in her native language) to her boyfriends and friends. She did accidentally spill bleach on the carpet in her room and then cut it out and try to cover it up, but we kept her. We weren't willing to go through the matching process halfway through her time with us.
Number 2 is nice and is very good with discipline. Everyone is different. Her personality is more reserved and she has sought out friendships with other au pairs as well as Americans her age. She goes out all the time and has had a great time. She went out and broke her wrist skating and we kept her too. The time we had to spend taking off work and taking her to appointments was really a strain on our family. I don't think we'd do it again.
The next one arrives in August. She seems very responsible, enthusiastic and serious about doing a good job. All the screening the agency does and then all the interviewing you do..... I still think you might have just as good luck pulling a name out of a hat.
Think au pairs are for the rich? Not so. It comes out cheaper that a day care center if you have more than 1 child. You have to be willing for them to live in your house and make them an adult daughter who lives with you. You have to be good at communication. I have seen some unhappy families and au pairs and I think they were not communicating well enough to get all their needs met. In my professional life, I have never done hiring and firing, so this was a new thing for me: managing an employee. Overall, we have enjoyed it. Not for the cultural exchange part especially, but for the convenience of not having to drive all over town before and after work to drop off and pick up the kids. Once I told a friend I was going to pick up a sitter on a weekend night. They said, "What about the au pair?" Well, she only works 45 hours a week: 7:30 am - 4:30 pm. These girls aren't your slaves. I also liked the secure feeling I get when my husband is away and there is another adult in the house - if anything happened and I had to rush someone to the ER or something, she is there to help in a pinch. I had trouble finding a day care center that opened early enough for me to make it to my job on time (we begin at 7:20 am). Now Matt stays home until his bus picks up at 8:45am.
Think about it - if you have more than 1 kid, an extra bedroom and want to reduce your stress in the daily morning and afternoon transportation frenzy, hiring an au pair might be for you.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Santa Fe Opera like being in prison
I once had the opportunity to attend Cosi Fan Tutte at the Santa Fe Opera House- a gorgeous amphitheater where you watch the setting sun just before the show gets started. I have been a lifelong patron of the arts: orchestra, ballet, drama, museums - you name it. I have been to shows in many fine theaters in the US and abroad: the Paris Opera House, Lincoln Center, Philadelphia's Kimmel Center, Braodway theaters, Atlanta's Fox Theater, etc, etc.... I know good manners and proper theater etiquette. I have been a performer and I appreciate audiences that know how to behave in such a venue.
So before this show began in Santa Fe, we were out in the "lobby" (being an outdoor theater, it was outside, so maybe you just call it a terrasse....) enjoying a drink and chatting before taking our seats. I took my camera from my purse and asked someone to take our picture. We said cheese and they snapped the photo. An usher then approached me and politely explained that cameras were not allowed in the theater. I apologized and told him I would of course keep it in my bag once I entered the house. He said that I could not do that - I had to check the camera or take it to the car. I thought he was trying to tell me the standard "no flash photography allowed during the performance for the safety of the performers" or "no recordings may be made of the copyrighted material allowed" speech they do before the curtain rises. No he was telling me that I could not carry the camera inside with me at all. Like you can't carry your gun on the airplane with you. I really thought he was kidding. He would not leave my side - he was practically insisting on escorting me to the coat check or to the car. I continued the conversation about how one time when I was at the Musee d'Orsay in Paris I witnessed a tourist taking a flash picture of the art work and I told this guy how disrespectful I thought it was of the patron not to follow the rules when it was clearly stated that flash phtography was not allowed. The man would not leave me alone.
I couldn't believe that all these other places I had been simply made a request that no one use a camera and no one did. And that somehow in Santa Fe they did not trust that anyone would follow the directions when asked to. Out in the middle of the desert, do the wild outlaws invade theaters regularly and shoot pictures during operas? I felt like I was being treated like a simple idiot who did not have any class. I felt very put down and untrustworthy. I thought this was ridiculous. I did finally find the friend I rode with - got his key - schlep out to the car and stow my highly dangerous apparatus. Then I asked to speak to the house manager. I very politely talked with her for a few minutes. She was a good customoer service rep - politely listened with empathy - apologized for the stalker usher, but still maintained the rule about no cameras.
So are they strip searching every ticketholder for food or cigarettes - who knows? They might just start jonesin' for a smoke half way through Act 1 and light up right there in Row C. Or maybe their ushers are trained to watch for gum-chewers sticking their used wads under the seat. Or some who can't wait for the après-thater nosh - he might rattle open a bag of Cheetoes during a recitative.
I think that is the stupidest thing in the world. They don't do this in New York, London, Paris (well, after 9-11 they did search more people's bags, but it wasn't cameras they were looking for), but for some reason, Santa Fe, New Mexico is attracting some kind of sickos who want to watch opera singers eyes glaze over after having a flash go off in their face or weird "opera pirates" - I bet You Tube is full of pirated recordings of Greek tragedies and Italian operas. Watch out Santa Fe! Get metal detectors and X-ray machines. What will cultured partons of the arts do next to try to sabotage your show?
So before this show began in Santa Fe, we were out in the "lobby" (being an outdoor theater, it was outside, so maybe you just call it a terrasse....) enjoying a drink and chatting before taking our seats. I took my camera from my purse and asked someone to take our picture. We said cheese and they snapped the photo. An usher then approached me and politely explained that cameras were not allowed in the theater. I apologized and told him I would of course keep it in my bag once I entered the house. He said that I could not do that - I had to check the camera or take it to the car. I thought he was trying to tell me the standard "no flash photography allowed during the performance for the safety of the performers" or "no recordings may be made of the copyrighted material allowed" speech they do before the curtain rises. No he was telling me that I could not carry the camera inside with me at all. Like you can't carry your gun on the airplane with you. I really thought he was kidding. He would not leave my side - he was practically insisting on escorting me to the coat check or to the car. I continued the conversation about how one time when I was at the Musee d'Orsay in Paris I witnessed a tourist taking a flash picture of the art work and I told this guy how disrespectful I thought it was of the patron not to follow the rules when it was clearly stated that flash phtography was not allowed. The man would not leave me alone.
I couldn't believe that all these other places I had been simply made a request that no one use a camera and no one did. And that somehow in Santa Fe they did not trust that anyone would follow the directions when asked to. Out in the middle of the desert, do the wild outlaws invade theaters regularly and shoot pictures during operas? I felt like I was being treated like a simple idiot who did not have any class. I felt very put down and untrustworthy. I thought this was ridiculous. I did finally find the friend I rode with - got his key - schlep out to the car and stow my highly dangerous apparatus. Then I asked to speak to the house manager. I very politely talked with her for a few minutes. She was a good customoer service rep - politely listened with empathy - apologized for the stalker usher, but still maintained the rule about no cameras.
So are they strip searching every ticketholder for food or cigarettes - who knows? They might just start jonesin' for a smoke half way through Act 1 and light up right there in Row C. Or maybe their ushers are trained to watch for gum-chewers sticking their used wads under the seat. Or some who can't wait for the après-thater nosh - he might rattle open a bag of Cheetoes during a recitative.
I think that is the stupidest thing in the world. They don't do this in New York, London, Paris (well, after 9-11 they did search more people's bags, but it wasn't cameras they were looking for), but for some reason, Santa Fe, New Mexico is attracting some kind of sickos who want to watch opera singers eyes glaze over after having a flash go off in their face or weird "opera pirates" - I bet You Tube is full of pirated recordings of Greek tragedies and Italian operas. Watch out Santa Fe! Get metal detectors and X-ray machines. What will cultured partons of the arts do next to try to sabotage your show?
What time do you open?!?!?!?!?
I want all businesses in America to listen up - right now! Please, for the love of all humanity, make your front window sign that tells the hours you open and close VERY LARGE!!! Large enough so that any customer can read the times from the CAR!!!!!!! This irks me to no end - can you tell? I hate driving up and wanting to check and see if the place I want to go is open or not. I don't want to park the car, get out of the car, walk up to the door and pull the handle only to find it locked. If I have my kids with me I especially do not want to have to do this. Seat belts on kids are tough and 3 year olds do not understand when you tell them the candy store is closed. Please hlep my cause - I want to start a revolution!!!! To the barricades!!!
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Hurricane Drew
Ok - he is only 2, but trying to keep up with his brother.
In fact, he has done stuff Matty never dreamed of and it scares me. All of it. Terribly.
-drew on the computer screen with black permanent marker
-regularly climbs up and sits on the kitchen table, and sometimes, stands to swing the light haning there (you hear the expression "swinging from the chandelier"? - well, it is just a matter of time I am afraid..)
- regularly climbs up the back of the kitchen chair I am sitting in (quietly) and starts blowing on my hair (I dread the day I don't see/feel him there and I get up
- spashes in the tub like there is no tomorrow. Matt stands up and says, "Help mommy - wipe my face wipe, wipe..."
-gets into the dryer and closes the door
- has no fear of any playground equipment - slides, walls, stairs, swings
-is a hair twirler and I swear one day I will have dreds from all his twisting and pulling - or maybe I'll be bald. I am letting his hair grow out. Let him pull his own hair.
In fact, he has done stuff Matty never dreamed of and it scares me. All of it. Terribly.
-drew on the computer screen with black permanent marker
-regularly climbs up and sits on the kitchen table, and sometimes, stands to swing the light haning there (you hear the expression "swinging from the chandelier"? - well, it is just a matter of time I am afraid..)
- regularly climbs up the back of the kitchen chair I am sitting in (quietly) and starts blowing on my hair (I dread the day I don't see/feel him there and I get up
- spashes in the tub like there is no tomorrow. Matt stands up and says, "Help mommy - wipe my face wipe, wipe..."
-gets into the dryer and closes the door
- has no fear of any playground equipment - slides, walls, stairs, swings
-is a hair twirler and I swear one day I will have dreds from all his twisting and pulling - or maybe I'll be bald. I am letting his hair grow out. Let him pull his own hair.
We didn't all go to medical school
I teach, so I am used to telling people something and then they write it down in a notebook. Sometimes I even write what I want them to know on a chalkboard so that they can see what is important to write down. This way they know what I just told them. They can look back at their notes to se what I said - especially if it was important information.
So I hate when I go to the doctor's office and they tell you to take two of these three times a day on even days only and put this cream on your elbow for 10 days on and 5 days off and this other ointment on your knee twice a day for 3 days with 7 days off. I walk out confused and wondering what the heck I am supposed to do with my packages from CVS. Usually the pharmacist can decipher the doctor's heiroglyphice from the RX sheet, but there have been times I had to ask again or call the office and confirm.
My mom is not good at being assertive. She is a product of her culture and her era. She has gone to the pharmacy and come home with meds she didn't think she needed and meds she didn't even know what they were for.
I wish doctors approached their jobs as if they were a teacher - teaching the patient like a student of their own health. Explain or better yet instruct the patient as to what medication to use when and where and have them write it down so they know what they are doing and using the meds right.
I also remember being in the hospital after my first c-section and someone (a nurse) asked me what did I want for pain. I do not know what the names of any pain medication are - I am a teacher, not a doctor, pharmacist or nurse. So my answer was, "I don't know." So I got nothing. I sat writhing in pain - crying for 4 days with no medication at all. It was horrible. But I didn't know any better - this was my first hospitalization ever. Why would a worker in the medical field think everyone knows all the jargon or vocabulary of their field? I don't call my students' parents and drop slang like CST, M-team, jigsaw, aural participation, dbq, curricular objective, xyz pdq, et cetera and assume they know what I am talking about.
My advice to anyone going to a doctor or hospital: treat it like school. Take pen and paper. Write it all down - especially any directions or instructions about your care or health. Ask questions - stand up and be an advocate for yourself. Get what you need and don't be afraid to say, "Can you please tell me what you are talking about?"
So I hate when I go to the doctor's office and they tell you to take two of these three times a day on even days only and put this cream on your elbow for 10 days on and 5 days off and this other ointment on your knee twice a day for 3 days with 7 days off. I walk out confused and wondering what the heck I am supposed to do with my packages from CVS. Usually the pharmacist can decipher the doctor's heiroglyphice from the RX sheet, but there have been times I had to ask again or call the office and confirm.
My mom is not good at being assertive. She is a product of her culture and her era. She has gone to the pharmacy and come home with meds she didn't think she needed and meds she didn't even know what they were for.
I wish doctors approached their jobs as if they were a teacher - teaching the patient like a student of their own health. Explain or better yet instruct the patient as to what medication to use when and where and have them write it down so they know what they are doing and using the meds right.
I also remember being in the hospital after my first c-section and someone (a nurse) asked me what did I want for pain. I do not know what the names of any pain medication are - I am a teacher, not a doctor, pharmacist or nurse. So my answer was, "I don't know." So I got nothing. I sat writhing in pain - crying for 4 days with no medication at all. It was horrible. But I didn't know any better - this was my first hospitalization ever. Why would a worker in the medical field think everyone knows all the jargon or vocabulary of their field? I don't call my students' parents and drop slang like CST, M-team, jigsaw, aural participation, dbq, curricular objective, xyz pdq, et cetera and assume they know what I am talking about.
My advice to anyone going to a doctor or hospital: treat it like school. Take pen and paper. Write it all down - especially any directions or instructions about your care or health. Ask questions - stand up and be an advocate for yourself. Get what you need and don't be afraid to say, "Can you please tell me what you are talking about?"
TIme Flies
Almost a year between posts. I have been so busy this year I have, at different times, not had time to ......
- wash my hair
- mail in insurance claims
- tear a coupon off something I'm buying to get something else free
- call to schedule my kids doctor's visit
-go to dance class
- call friends
- e-mail friends
- go to the gym
- eat lunch
- apply for a scholarship I needed/wanted
- get a nice jacket mended
- put on make up
- put the thousands of photos of the kids in albums
- buy a gift card for the school fundraiser
- get a haircut
I was talking to a friend in 2006 about how with a 2 year old and a newborn, I didn't have time for a shower that day and she (having no kids) told me I could have made time for it.
I think it is different for everyone. Maybe for me it was a shower I was willing to forego, but to someone else it might be something else. Eating, shopping, wearing shoes, blogging - whatever. But parents do give up something because the kids need you more. Recently I was driving alone thinking that I might not want to move from ths stupid state because it might not be the right thing for my kids. Whoooo. Scary. Did I just sound like a parent?
- wash my hair
- mail in insurance claims
- tear a coupon off something I'm buying to get something else free
- call to schedule my kids doctor's visit
-go to dance class
- call friends
- e-mail friends
- go to the gym
- eat lunch
- apply for a scholarship I needed/wanted
- get a nice jacket mended
- put on make up
- put the thousands of photos of the kids in albums
- buy a gift card for the school fundraiser
- get a haircut
I was talking to a friend in 2006 about how with a 2 year old and a newborn, I didn't have time for a shower that day and she (having no kids) told me I could have made time for it.
I think it is different for everyone. Maybe for me it was a shower I was willing to forego, but to someone else it might be something else. Eating, shopping, wearing shoes, blogging - whatever. But parents do give up something because the kids need you more. Recently I was driving alone thinking that I might not want to move from ths stupid state because it might not be the right thing for my kids. Whoooo. Scary. Did I just sound like a parent?
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Strange habits
Well, the au pair has been in my closet - she hangs the hangers backwards from me - (hook pointing out) and I found a few things turned that way one day. There are no photos of her wearing them in her photos on our computer, but there were some of her in a sex-kitten pose on her bed wearing her lingerie. She rented some On Demand movies which is fine if she wants to pay for them, but "Borat"? I am not sure with her limited English that she could "get it".
My mom was visiting us for a week and she reported that she went outside in the backyard and just sunbathed while the kids played in the sandbox. They are 3 and 1 - they really need more attention than that.
I shouldn't complain - she helps us so much. She cleaned the house while we went away one weekend. At night she is off, but if I need help for a few minutes, she will watch one or the other for me.
She is not getting married this August as once planned, but she will extend her visa and get another host family closer to her boy friend for the next year.
It has been an interesting cultural exchange.
My mom was visiting us for a week and she reported that she went outside in the backyard and just sunbathed while the kids played in the sandbox. They are 3 and 1 - they really need more attention than that.
I shouldn't complain - she helps us so much. She cleaned the house while we went away one weekend. At night she is off, but if I need help for a few minutes, she will watch one or the other for me.
She is not getting married this August as once planned, but she will extend her visa and get another host family closer to her boy friend for the next year.
It has been an interesting cultural exchange.
Hurricane Matt
Things my 3 year old has done that I just couldn't believe:
Thrown the new cordless phone in the toilet
Poured out my fingernail polish remover down the sink (better there than on the carpet)
Put coins in the car CD player
Put numerous toys in the Diaper Genie
Taken the air vents off and poured his drink down them
Thrown a whole box of Q-Tips in the potty
Ripped off wallpaper in dining room at Aunt Sue's
Painted the toilet seat lid with my mascara brush
Threw away my $200 to replace car key (on a sweltering day in August - yes, I found it outside in the garbage - my husband made me)
Called 2 of my friends and left messages on their machines
Put the pepper shaker in his mouth (yes, he got a mouthfull)
Taken the stuffing out of couch cushions and tossed it all over the room
Brushed his teeth with water he got from dipping toothbrush in toilet
Said "hello? hello?" into the toilet brush and when I went to get it from him, he ran across the lawn toward the street and he stopped on the sidewalk and said "lollypop" and ...yes... he licked it.
Thrown the new cordless phone in the toilet
Poured out my fingernail polish remover down the sink (better there than on the carpet)
Put coins in the car CD player
Put numerous toys in the Diaper Genie
Taken the air vents off and poured his drink down them
Thrown a whole box of Q-Tips in the potty
Ripped off wallpaper in dining room at Aunt Sue's
Painted the toilet seat lid with my mascara brush
Threw away my $200 to replace car key (on a sweltering day in August - yes, I found it outside in the garbage - my husband made me)
Called 2 of my friends and left messages on their machines
Put the pepper shaker in his mouth (yes, he got a mouthfull)
Taken the stuffing out of couch cushions and tossed it all over the room
Brushed his teeth with water he got from dipping toothbrush in toilet
Said "hello? hello?" into the toilet brush and when I went to get it from him, he ran across the lawn toward the street and he stopped on the sidewalk and said "lollypop" and ...yes... he licked it.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Au pair - what an experience
We hired an au pair this year for day care. Our toddler was so aggressive he almost got kicked out of the center he used to go to. Then we had another and with a traveling husband, well... it made sense to have some one here to have as backup when he is away.
There are many terrible problems that you could encounter with an au pair and I admis that we don't have the worst of these. She could have run away, or been a druggie or liked to party til all hours. But she is nice, we get along, she is a homebody and she takes good care of the kids.
Still - weird problems we have seen. First we were worried that she was on the computer all day instead of watching the boys like she should. So I checked the temporary internest files. It was full of adult sites. Cookies saved in there showed (yes, the pictures were in there) of all kinds of bodies, body parts, positions, closeups, et cetera.... I don't care if people want to look at that - I have before, but we have kids. What is they saw that stuff? She is supposed to be working. What if you did that at work? You'd get fired.
She finally went out with some other nannies to a club one night and came back with pictures of her and all these guys. Safety for my kids is #1. So we had a chat about safety and how we didn't want her to tell anyone where we lived and that she was alone all day with kids.
So then I got even more suspicipus and did something totally unscrupulous: I logged into her e-mail to see what was there. All in her foreign language, I couldn't read any of it - except the ones from an Internet dating service where she'd signed up as a "girl seeking girl." Not that anything's wrong with that. She had told me she had a boy friend back in Europe.
A month later we find out that she has been "phone dating" a native of her country who lives in the US now. She said a mutual friend introduced them. They are talking on the phone all the time. Like 5 hour marathons from 9 pm to 2 am(we pay for her cell phone and get the bills). Then we are with another au pair and she asks Martina how she met the guy. She says (right in front of me), "Chat room" I confronted her about lying to me or the other girl. She told me she forgot. Oscar Mayer Bologna.
Next she wants to fly to Minnesota and meet him. So I charge a ticket on my credit card (she paid me back)- long story short - after all kinds of worry that her dad will kill me, that she will just take off on us, or that he'll be a serial killer and she's dead somewhere - she comes home engaged. Going to get married before her visa expires and get a green card. Seems mighty convenient, right? My mother thinks it is an arranged marriage, but her culture isn't like one of those countries that regularly does that. I don't know. Whatever.
Ok so check this out. She went away for the weekend and my dear old goes in to her room to vacuum and he says, "Uh, sweetheart...have you been in here lately?" I went to the door and see this hole in the carpet. Not a hole - a patched hole. We nose around and find a piece of carpet about 12 inches by 14 inches in her closet that she had cut out - it had 2 big bleach stains on it. She had gone into the basement and found some carpet scraps and cut a patch to fit. But it didn't fit too well. It was really obvious - ruined. Dear old was so mad. I was just bewildered. Why on earth would you do that?
More updates as they happen.
There are many terrible problems that you could encounter with an au pair and I admis that we don't have the worst of these. She could have run away, or been a druggie or liked to party til all hours. But she is nice, we get along, she is a homebody and she takes good care of the kids.
Still - weird problems we have seen. First we were worried that she was on the computer all day instead of watching the boys like she should. So I checked the temporary internest files. It was full of adult sites. Cookies saved in there showed (yes, the pictures were in there) of all kinds of bodies, body parts, positions, closeups, et cetera.... I don't care if people want to look at that - I have before, but we have kids. What is they saw that stuff? She is supposed to be working. What if you did that at work? You'd get fired.
She finally went out with some other nannies to a club one night and came back with pictures of her and all these guys. Safety for my kids is #1. So we had a chat about safety and how we didn't want her to tell anyone where we lived and that she was alone all day with kids.
So then I got even more suspicipus and did something totally unscrupulous: I logged into her e-mail to see what was there. All in her foreign language, I couldn't read any of it - except the ones from an Internet dating service where she'd signed up as a "girl seeking girl." Not that anything's wrong with that. She had told me she had a boy friend back in Europe.
A month later we find out that she has been "phone dating" a native of her country who lives in the US now. She said a mutual friend introduced them. They are talking on the phone all the time. Like 5 hour marathons from 9 pm to 2 am(we pay for her cell phone and get the bills). Then we are with another au pair and she asks Martina how she met the guy. She says (right in front of me), "Chat room" I confronted her about lying to me or the other girl. She told me she forgot. Oscar Mayer Bologna.
Next she wants to fly to Minnesota and meet him. So I charge a ticket on my credit card (she paid me back)- long story short - after all kinds of worry that her dad will kill me, that she will just take off on us, or that he'll be a serial killer and she's dead somewhere - she comes home engaged. Going to get married before her visa expires and get a green card. Seems mighty convenient, right? My mother thinks it is an arranged marriage, but her culture isn't like one of those countries that regularly does that. I don't know. Whatever.
Ok so check this out. She went away for the weekend and my dear old goes in to her room to vacuum and he says, "Uh, sweetheart...have you been in here lately?" I went to the door and see this hole in the carpet. Not a hole - a patched hole. We nose around and find a piece of carpet about 12 inches by 14 inches in her closet that she had cut out - it had 2 big bleach stains on it. She had gone into the basement and found some carpet scraps and cut a patch to fit. But it didn't fit too well. It was really obvious - ruined. Dear old was so mad. I was just bewildered. Why on earth would you do that?
More updates as they happen.
Friday, July 28, 2006
I am not really a Lactivist, but yeah, I guess I am...
I can't believe the uproar about nursing your infant in public. Well, sure I can. This is America, right?
Breastfeeding:
It is feeding a baby, people. If you see a mother nursing, she is nourishing her child. All your kids learn about it in school in 7th grade science class - that is why we are called mammals. That is how we get milk - from a cow's boob, just with lots of middle men (or machines). It shouldn't be some secret. The secret is that some adults engage in similar behavior (mouth and boob) for sexual pleasure. But I bet your kids know all about that from TV and movies - just please don't tell them a breast was made by The Creator for the purpose of feeding a child.
Now the public thing.
I understand it makes some uncomfortable. Most moms are probably uncomfortable doing it in public. I nursed my baby to age 6 months and I was not super comfortable doing it in public. But I couldn't stay locked in my house for that long. I had to get out. And babies aren't the most patient things. Sometimes they gotta eat. And then it's eat or scream and I think I'd offend you less by modestly nursing under a blanket than by having my kid scream bloody murder in a restaurant.
What is the issue? SEEING the breast or just knowing that someone is doing it in your presence? Are some people such perverts that they can think of nothing else but sex when they just see a breast? I am way more comfortable seeing a nursing mother's breast than I am seeing some scantily clad lady's boobs hanging out of a push up bra. And I see that all the time - I rarely see a nursing mom in public.
Is it that you might have to explain it to your kid? The 7th grade science teacher already did!! And if you act uncomfortable talking about it because YOU think it's sex related, then you are just giving your kid more sex info! He probably never thought about it until you acted embarrassed about it.
People have the right to feed their children. I feel when I have to do it in public that I have the responsibility to be courteous to others. As I would not start yelling loudly in a restaurant, nor would I whip out the boob for all to see. NOR would I go hide in my car or the dirty restroom to feed my baby. Please explain to your children if they ask what the lady is doing and that it is what the body was made for. Don't get into some sexual issue. It's not unless you mention it.
Here's the article that prompted this post:
http://www.comcast.net/news/health/index.jsp?cat=HEALTHWELLNESS&fn=/2006/07/27/443369.html&cvqh=itn_cover
Right next to the article about a mother breastfeeding on the cover of a parenting magazine was a Victoria's Secret ad with a well endowed model with large breasts. Is that offensive? Is she buying the bra for support or to turn on her boy friend? Are people offended by the latter? I guess I am not seeing the difference. Unless the viewer of the two images has a dirty mind and cannot see a breast without going to sexual thoughts.
I hate extremeism and I hate debate. I know, I sit on the fence on many issues. I may be wishy washy or it may be that I just like finding middle ground. Moms, try to not disrobe in public and Public, please try to remember it is a natural and necessary part of bringing a child into the world, it's not perverted.
Breastfeeding:
It is feeding a baby, people. If you see a mother nursing, she is nourishing her child. All your kids learn about it in school in 7th grade science class - that is why we are called mammals. That is how we get milk - from a cow's boob, just with lots of middle men (or machines). It shouldn't be some secret. The secret is that some adults engage in similar behavior (mouth and boob) for sexual pleasure. But I bet your kids know all about that from TV and movies - just please don't tell them a breast was made by The Creator for the purpose of feeding a child.
Now the public thing.
I understand it makes some uncomfortable. Most moms are probably uncomfortable doing it in public. I nursed my baby to age 6 months and I was not super comfortable doing it in public. But I couldn't stay locked in my house for that long. I had to get out. And babies aren't the most patient things. Sometimes they gotta eat. And then it's eat or scream and I think I'd offend you less by modestly nursing under a blanket than by having my kid scream bloody murder in a restaurant.
What is the issue? SEEING the breast or just knowing that someone is doing it in your presence? Are some people such perverts that they can think of nothing else but sex when they just see a breast? I am way more comfortable seeing a nursing mother's breast than I am seeing some scantily clad lady's boobs hanging out of a push up bra. And I see that all the time - I rarely see a nursing mom in public.
Is it that you might have to explain it to your kid? The 7th grade science teacher already did!! And if you act uncomfortable talking about it because YOU think it's sex related, then you are just giving your kid more sex info! He probably never thought about it until you acted embarrassed about it.
People have the right to feed their children. I feel when I have to do it in public that I have the responsibility to be courteous to others. As I would not start yelling loudly in a restaurant, nor would I whip out the boob for all to see. NOR would I go hide in my car or the dirty restroom to feed my baby. Please explain to your children if they ask what the lady is doing and that it is what the body was made for. Don't get into some sexual issue. It's not unless you mention it.
Here's the article that prompted this post:
http://www.comcast.net/news/health/index.jsp?cat=HEALTHWELLNESS&fn=/2006/07/27/443369.html&cvqh=itn_cover
Right next to the article about a mother breastfeeding on the cover of a parenting magazine was a Victoria's Secret ad with a well endowed model with large breasts. Is that offensive? Is she buying the bra for support or to turn on her boy friend? Are people offended by the latter? I guess I am not seeing the difference. Unless the viewer of the two images has a dirty mind and cannot see a breast without going to sexual thoughts.
I hate extremeism and I hate debate. I know, I sit on the fence on many issues. I may be wishy washy or it may be that I just like finding middle ground. Moms, try to not disrobe in public and Public, please try to remember it is a natural and necessary part of bringing a child into the world, it's not perverted.
Friday, July 21, 2006
Black Friday - to shop or not to shop?
I have always refused to go shopping on the day after Thanksgiving. The TV reporters go out into the madness and show us how bad the parking is and how long the check out lines are. I worked in a department store years ago during the Christmas season. Working on December 26th gave me my first eye witness experience of the throng rushing in at 6 am to grab all the left over Hallmark ornaments (75% off). The cash register didn't stop for an hour. I kept wondering why the security guard had showed up at my post before they opened and then stayed around. He knew what I didn't - I was the one to be most swamped. It really soured me to holiday shopping and I have continued to eye anyone suspiciously who says, "I love to go shopping on the day after Thanksgiving!"
My first Thanksgiving as a Mrs., I find myself at the table with my husband's female relatives discussing when to leave for the mall the next morning. I traditionally avoid shopping the day after Thanksgiving - the worst day of all to be out in the mess with the crazy road-raging bargain hunters. And here I’d married into a family of Black Friday shoppers.
There was some sale at Best Buy until 8 am, so they wanted to go at 7 am. I just had to tell them I could not do 7 am. They said, “We'll come back for you, how about 9?” “Great,” I said shooting a look at the Mr. that said, "Save me!" but he just grinned back, ignoring my plea. Later I asked if I couldn't just stay with him and his brother and his kids and watch football and clean out their mom's gutters. He said, "Go on - it won't be too bad (this from a man whose longest shopping trip to the mall was 17 minutes). Besides, you hardly know my sister at all. You should spend some time with her."
I had the worst memories of Christmas shopping: rude drivers cutting you off in the lot, people grabbing scarf and mitten sets off a table at Penney's when a sale price was announced, having to circle the food court like a vulture to get a table, impossibly long lines at cash registers. We set off for the mall at 9 as planned with Lora and Sue telling tales of their early morning door buster experience at 7 am. (Whatever they had wanted at Best Buy was gone by 7:15 when they arrived.) In the van, I gave my self a stern lecture: You are not having to drive in traffic or purchase anything - You do not have to be hassled today - You are not in a hurry - You are here for female bonding - Put a smile on your face and have a positive, patient attitude. We pulled up and easily got a parking place. I internally chanted, "Serenity Now" a few times. It turned out to be a pretty good day, but I don’t remember buying anything. We got home and Bill was happy I'd spent time becoming one of the gals.
Thanksgivingthe next year. We are again with my husband’s family. We go to the mall at 9 am. This year, I am buying. I had decided that if I had to spend the day in a mall and waiting on them, I might as well be getting some shopping done, too. If a line is too long, then forget it. It is still 25 days or more until Christmas. We hit strip malls and Target and Best Buy; we hit some small specialty stores; we attacked the mall; we sent Lora to Chik-fil-a with our orders while the other five roamed the seating area staring down people camping out at their tables. By 3:30, fatigue had set in and someone suggested going home. I said, "But wait, we haven't been toMacy’s!! Or The Gap!" Lora looks at Sue and says, "Oh, no, we've created a monster. Come on, everyone - two more stores to go."
So, I guess my advice is to go later in the day on the day after Thanksgiving and don't get in a long line if you aren't going to make up your mind to be very patient. The crazy, frustrated shoppers seem to come out more on the weekends closer to Christmas. Desperation and hurry kill their holiday spirit. I do remember some really dead time while working the department store that one season. The last hour of the shopping day, was always dead. Being alone in a department store, you can admire the decorations and shop at leisure. You can actually hear the piped in Christmuz Muzak. The clerks are bored and glad to actually have a customer to ring up to break the monotony.
Thanksgiving the following year. I am home with my family. I say to my mom and sister, "What time do we want to leave for the mall tomorrow?" They look at me as if I just suggested that we stuff the turkey with Jello. Heh, heh, heh, I think - two more to be initiated into this holiday ritual.
My first Thanksgiving as a Mrs., I find myself at the table with my husband's female relatives discussing when to leave for the mall the next morning. I traditionally avoid shopping the day after Thanksgiving - the worst day of all to be out in the mess with the crazy road-raging bargain hunters. And here I’d married into a family of Black Friday shoppers.
There was some sale at Best Buy until 8 am, so they wanted to go at 7 am. I just had to tell them I could not do 7 am. They said, “We'll come back for you, how about 9?” “Great,” I said shooting a look at the Mr. that said, "Save me!" but he just grinned back, ignoring my plea. Later I asked if I couldn't just stay with him and his brother and his kids and watch football and clean out their mom's gutters. He said, "Go on - it won't be too bad (this from a man whose longest shopping trip to the mall was 17 minutes). Besides, you hardly know my sister at all. You should spend some time with her."
I had the worst memories of Christmas shopping: rude drivers cutting you off in the lot, people grabbing scarf and mitten sets off a table at Penney's when a sale price was announced, having to circle the food court like a vulture to get a table, impossibly long lines at cash registers. We set off for the mall at 9 as planned with Lora and Sue telling tales of their early morning door buster experience at 7 am. (Whatever they had wanted at Best Buy was gone by 7:15 when they arrived.) In the van, I gave my self a stern lecture: You are not having to drive in traffic or purchase anything - You do not have to be hassled today - You are not in a hurry - You are here for female bonding - Put a smile on your face and have a positive, patient attitude. We pulled up and easily got a parking place. I internally chanted, "Serenity Now" a few times. It turned out to be a pretty good day, but I don’t remember buying anything. We got home and Bill was happy I'd spent time becoming one of the gals.
Thanksgivingthe next year. We are again with my husband’s family. We go to the mall at 9 am. This year, I am buying. I had decided that if I had to spend the day in a mall and waiting on them, I might as well be getting some shopping done, too. If a line is too long, then forget it. It is still 25 days or more until Christmas. We hit strip malls and Target and Best Buy; we hit some small specialty stores; we attacked the mall; we sent Lora to Chik-fil-a with our orders while the other five roamed the seating area staring down people camping out at their tables. By 3:30, fatigue had set in and someone suggested going home. I said, "But wait, we haven't been toMacy’s!! Or The Gap!" Lora looks at Sue and says, "Oh, no, we've created a monster. Come on, everyone - two more stores to go."
So, I guess my advice is to go later in the day on the day after Thanksgiving and don't get in a long line if you aren't going to make up your mind to be very patient. The crazy, frustrated shoppers seem to come out more on the weekends closer to Christmas. Desperation and hurry kill their holiday spirit. I do remember some really dead time while working the department store that one season. The last hour of the shopping day, was always dead. Being alone in a department store, you can admire the decorations and shop at leisure. You can actually hear the piped in Christmuz Muzak. The clerks are bored and glad to actually have a customer to ring up to break the monotony.
Thanksgiving the following year. I am home with my family. I say to my mom and sister, "What time do we want to leave for the mall tomorrow?" They look at me as if I just suggested that we stuff the turkey with Jello. Heh, heh, heh, I think - two more to be initiated into this holiday ritual.
Thursday, July 20, 2006
Choosing a dance school
I have been watching "So you think you can dance?" this summer. During the first auditions there were several dancers who said they were dance teachers by profession. Some dancers were so abysmal, that the judges implored them not to teach dance anymore. They said, "Please do not take anyone else's money again to teach them dance." I thought it wise advice and I wondered if that ruined anyone's career. Can you imagine seeing your child's dance teacher on TV being told by award winning dancers and choreographers that they are awful? I am certiain that happened somewhere. And had it been my kid, he wouldn't have gone back to Miss Hazel's School of Dance anymore.
Here's my advice on how to choose a good dance school for your child:
Go to recitals. In the spring visit recitals of the schools you are interested in. See if it is a professional artmosphere. Look for good dancing. Would you want to have you kid on this stage? Are the advanced dancers good? That could be your little Susie in 10 years.
One school I danced in as a teen had terrible recitals. The owner rented out a theater and tried to have every class do a separate dance and do all the classes in one night. So it lasted about 6 hours. The aisles were constantly streaming with parents who would watch their child dance and get up and leave. Tacky, but I understand. I wouldn't want to sit there from 6 till midnight either.
Talk to other dance parents. Ask about the school's policies, classes, fees. Find out the teacher's background and philosophy of teaching. Do the teachers continue their dance education?
My mom's cousin took her kids to the aforementioned school. After a few years they quit. The costumes were $60-80 each and if you had a jazz/tap combination class the teachers would choose 2 different costumes. Like why not use the same costume for both with removeable pieces? Wear the skirt for tap and wear the hat for jazz. Some parents have 2 or 3 kids in dance - imagine how much that cost them! Same cousin said every year at the recital the dancers were no better than they were the year before and some routines were just passed on down to the class below them - same music, same choreography. Who wants to go to a recital like that? Boring! Look out for these "recital mill" schools. Is the the teacher just teaching a routine to the student? Or is the teacher creating a dancer from your child? Is your kid learning how to be a good dancer? Or just memorizing a routine? In my humble opinion, it is a waste of time for a child to take classes just to dance in a show every spring in a glitzy costume and not have learned about dance and how to dance and to perform better.
Visit schools before your kid signs up. Observe if possible a class and meet the teachers. Some teachers are very strict and "old school" about their policies. One ballet school I taught at had a policy that parents do not watch class. There were 3 weeks through the year when parents were invited to view class. You don't go to school with your kids, why go to dance with them? You don't trust the teacher? Switch dance schools. Let your child go - go and be an individual and develop on their own. They (and other dancers and the teacher) will only be distracted by your presence.
Look at the studio where the classes are taught. Is there enough room for a group to move? Is there a well constructed dance floor? Any floor surface over concrete is NOT appropriate for any kind of dance or any age dancer. The floor should be raised off concrete so as to "give" when it is jumped on. Dancing on a concrete floor at all can cause injuries to feet, ankles, knees... Any teacher too cheap to do it right is not concerned enough for the well-being of the kids and in my opinion just wants your money.
Two issues I guess I am on the fence about: age to start dancing and competition teams.
I think it depends on your child and the class offered, but I don't believe in starting a kid in ballet at age 2 or 3. I think pre-schoolers should be in a creative movement class and not expected to perform in recitals. They can start ballet at 5 or 6. I have seen too many kids who completely fell apart on stage. When they are so young, they don't know if they want to be on stage or not. Having a bad first experience could guarantee you that they won't be a dancer. There is nothing wrong with waiting and not pushing the child to do something YOU want them to do.
I was in a performing dance company from 7th grade through high school. We performed at community events and had recitals and a few times we were in contests. Then I remember we didn't compete anymore and I asked my teacher why. She said something about performing to entertain and be the best dancers we could be and not caring who won. I guess I look at dance as an art, rather than a sport although the lines are blurred around ice skating, gymnastics, ballroom dance. What do you want for your kid? What does the kid want? Competitive dance is a different arena from just performing dance. Rewards can be just as great for a dancer who danced well, regardless of if a trophy was awarded or not.
Here's my advice on how to choose a good dance school for your child:
Go to recitals. In the spring visit recitals of the schools you are interested in. See if it is a professional artmosphere. Look for good dancing. Would you want to have you kid on this stage? Are the advanced dancers good? That could be your little Susie in 10 years.
One school I danced in as a teen had terrible recitals. The owner rented out a theater and tried to have every class do a separate dance and do all the classes in one night. So it lasted about 6 hours. The aisles were constantly streaming with parents who would watch their child dance and get up and leave. Tacky, but I understand. I wouldn't want to sit there from 6 till midnight either.
Talk to other dance parents. Ask about the school's policies, classes, fees. Find out the teacher's background and philosophy of teaching. Do the teachers continue their dance education?
My mom's cousin took her kids to the aforementioned school. After a few years they quit. The costumes were $60-80 each and if you had a jazz/tap combination class the teachers would choose 2 different costumes. Like why not use the same costume for both with removeable pieces? Wear the skirt for tap and wear the hat for jazz. Some parents have 2 or 3 kids in dance - imagine how much that cost them! Same cousin said every year at the recital the dancers were no better than they were the year before and some routines were just passed on down to the class below them - same music, same choreography. Who wants to go to a recital like that? Boring! Look out for these "recital mill" schools. Is the the teacher just teaching a routine to the student? Or is the teacher creating a dancer from your child? Is your kid learning how to be a good dancer? Or just memorizing a routine? In my humble opinion, it is a waste of time for a child to take classes just to dance in a show every spring in a glitzy costume and not have learned about dance and how to dance and to perform better.
Visit schools before your kid signs up. Observe if possible a class and meet the teachers. Some teachers are very strict and "old school" about their policies. One ballet school I taught at had a policy that parents do not watch class. There were 3 weeks through the year when parents were invited to view class. You don't go to school with your kids, why go to dance with them? You don't trust the teacher? Switch dance schools. Let your child go - go and be an individual and develop on their own. They (and other dancers and the teacher) will only be distracted by your presence.
Look at the studio where the classes are taught. Is there enough room for a group to move? Is there a well constructed dance floor? Any floor surface over concrete is NOT appropriate for any kind of dance or any age dancer. The floor should be raised off concrete so as to "give" when it is jumped on. Dancing on a concrete floor at all can cause injuries to feet, ankles, knees... Any teacher too cheap to do it right is not concerned enough for the well-being of the kids and in my opinion just wants your money.
Two issues I guess I am on the fence about: age to start dancing and competition teams.
I think it depends on your child and the class offered, but I don't believe in starting a kid in ballet at age 2 or 3. I think pre-schoolers should be in a creative movement class and not expected to perform in recitals. They can start ballet at 5 or 6. I have seen too many kids who completely fell apart on stage. When they are so young, they don't know if they want to be on stage or not. Having a bad first experience could guarantee you that they won't be a dancer. There is nothing wrong with waiting and not pushing the child to do something YOU want them to do.
I was in a performing dance company from 7th grade through high school. We performed at community events and had recitals and a few times we were in contests. Then I remember we didn't compete anymore and I asked my teacher why. She said something about performing to entertain and be the best dancers we could be and not caring who won. I guess I look at dance as an art, rather than a sport although the lines are blurred around ice skating, gymnastics, ballroom dance. What do you want for your kid? What does the kid want? Competitive dance is a different arena from just performing dance. Rewards can be just as great for a dancer who danced well, regardless of if a trophy was awarded or not.
Friday, July 14, 2006
A State like no other
When I moved to this corner of Suburbia in 2001, I noted so many differences between this place and other states I'd lived/traveled in, I thought they should offer a special course to aid new residents to assimilate into their culture. I started searching Amazon for a book on the topic, as surely I was not the only one seeing how different this place was from the rest of the United States.
My background? Not a stay at home country bumpkin, no sir. As a foreign language teacher I had spent my life studying foreign culture. I came to appreciate the differences between American and other ways of life. I understood how others live, even thought very different from my American lifestyle. I have travelled to [pause to count] 9 other countries and 43 of the 50 states. I have lived in the South, West, Midwest and Northeast. I have no problem operating under the "when in Rome" philosophy when abroad. But this was the US. Why did I feel like such a foreigner in my native country?
In 49 states this is how we operate:
-we have full interchanges at every exit on major 4 lane divided highways (usually called Interstates). You can get off to eat, shop, get gas etc and re-enter the road at the same location.
Here you can get off and you can only turn around and go the other direction at some interchanges.
-we store shopping carts inside the store, not out in the rain, cold, snow.
Here you have to get a cart before entering the store.
-on most large roads, we have a middle safety lane for making a left turn (we call it the turning lane)
Here you have a lot of 2 lane roads where drivers turning left have to block the lane they're in, or you have a long concrete barrier down the center that prevents a left turn at all. (one native called the turning lane the" chicken lane." People here do not trust it.)
-we don't pass on the right because it is illegal. (I am sure some drivers nationwide do, but it is not common practice.) Most roads are not paved on the right to allow this anyway.
Here people do it all the time and the shoulders are paved. They do it everywhere - even in intersections.
-we have fundraisers for charitable causes
Here they do that too, but they also do public begging -approved by municipalities for the beggers to station themselves at red lights to just ask for coins from passing cars. I have seen this a few times only for some horrible cureless disease. Here they do it for a local baseball team's uniforms or a high school chess club to go to a regional competition.
-we have wide checkout lanes in stores like Target, Walmart as well as at grocery stores
Here we have teeny narrow check out lanes in grocery stores. Makes getting food out of cart difficult. You can't walk around the cart for any reason.
- we have tons of 24/7 gas stations
Here you better not run out of gas after 10 pm - no station is open
- we have ice cream parlors and they stay open year round
Here, they all close from September through May
- we can ask the bill to be split by the waiter in a restaurant and refills on coffee, tea and soda are free
Here, forget separate checks. You better be good at math and have cash.
-we have drive-thru ATMs at most banks and many other drive thru businesses (dry cleaners, etc)
Here, no dice. You have to get out of the car and walk inside. Not convenient for a mom with kids in thr car.
-we sit at bar to drink and we run a tab (settle up at the end) or we pay by the drink
Here you pay for the first drink and are expected to leave your change on the bar all night.
Doesn't it sound so old fashioned? It was like moving from one state to 1954. And my city isn't population 342 - a cornfield with one traffic light. It is a midsize metro area with burbs sprawling from a downtown. Does it have good things about it? Yes. Can I live with it? Yes, for a while. But it is so unlike the other [pause to count] 5 states I have lived in. Other "foreigners" I meet notice the same weird stuff, too - it's not just me.
If all that sounds familiar, you probably live there, too. We should just secede from the union so people who come here don't try using their knowledge of American culture to get along.
My background? Not a stay at home country bumpkin, no sir. As a foreign language teacher I had spent my life studying foreign culture. I came to appreciate the differences between American and other ways of life. I understood how others live, even thought very different from my American lifestyle. I have travelled to [pause to count] 9 other countries and 43 of the 50 states. I have lived in the South, West, Midwest and Northeast. I have no problem operating under the "when in Rome" philosophy when abroad. But this was the US. Why did I feel like such a foreigner in my native country?
In 49 states this is how we operate:
-we have full interchanges at every exit on major 4 lane divided highways (usually called Interstates). You can get off to eat, shop, get gas etc and re-enter the road at the same location.
Here you can get off and you can only turn around and go the other direction at some interchanges.
-we store shopping carts inside the store, not out in the rain, cold, snow.
Here you have to get a cart before entering the store.
-on most large roads, we have a middle safety lane for making a left turn (we call it the turning lane)
Here you have a lot of 2 lane roads where drivers turning left have to block the lane they're in, or you have a long concrete barrier down the center that prevents a left turn at all. (one native called the turning lane the" chicken lane." People here do not trust it.)
-we don't pass on the right because it is illegal. (I am sure some drivers nationwide do, but it is not common practice.) Most roads are not paved on the right to allow this anyway.
Here people do it all the time and the shoulders are paved. They do it everywhere - even in intersections.
-we have fundraisers for charitable causes
Here they do that too, but they also do public begging -approved by municipalities for the beggers to station themselves at red lights to just ask for coins from passing cars. I have seen this a few times only for some horrible cureless disease. Here they do it for a local baseball team's uniforms or a high school chess club to go to a regional competition.
-we have wide checkout lanes in stores like Target, Walmart as well as at grocery stores
Here we have teeny narrow check out lanes in grocery stores. Makes getting food out of cart difficult. You can't walk around the cart for any reason.
- we have tons of 24/7 gas stations
Here you better not run out of gas after 10 pm - no station is open
- we have ice cream parlors and they stay open year round
Here, they all close from September through May
- we can ask the bill to be split by the waiter in a restaurant and refills on coffee, tea and soda are free
Here, forget separate checks. You better be good at math and have cash.
-we have drive-thru ATMs at most banks and many other drive thru businesses (dry cleaners, etc)
Here, no dice. You have to get out of the car and walk inside. Not convenient for a mom with kids in thr car.
-we sit at bar to drink and we run a tab (settle up at the end) or we pay by the drink
Here you pay for the first drink and are expected to leave your change on the bar all night.
Doesn't it sound so old fashioned? It was like moving from one state to 1954. And my city isn't population 342 - a cornfield with one traffic light. It is a midsize metro area with burbs sprawling from a downtown. Does it have good things about it? Yes. Can I live with it? Yes, for a while. But it is so unlike the other [pause to count] 5 states I have lived in. Other "foreigners" I meet notice the same weird stuff, too - it's not just me.
If all that sounds familiar, you probably live there, too. We should just secede from the union so people who come here don't try using their knowledge of American culture to get along.
Being the mother of boys
I always thought I'd have girls. I was the oldest of 2 girls. My mother was the mother of girls, so when I was going to become a mom myself, it seemed so natural to be the mother of girls. The word "baby" to me was synonymous in my mind with the word "girl". The thought of a baby also brought about images of pink and dolls and bunnies and blonde little angels.
God had other plans.
When I first found out I was carrying a boy I was hysterically depressed for about 48 hours and then I just snapped out of it. I went through disappointment that it wasn't a girl at the same time suffering horrible guilt that I felt that way. I told my self how selfish I was "At least you can conceive and have a kid when so many cannot." I told God terrible things - things I am ashamed to admit that they even crossed my mind. I went through all 5 of Kubler-Ross' stages of loss. I thought, "OK so it's a boy. Next time I'll have a girl."
Once again - God in charge, not me.
This time I went through the same emotions, but with more anger (which I didn't think possible). There wasn't going to be a next time. I only wanted 2 kids. Try for a girl next? Oh, no. Not me. With my luck it'd be another boy. I can hardly handle the first boy as he goes through a terrible two phase. Where was my little girl? God, don't you know I always wanted a girl?
I grew up playing Barbie, doing crafts, taking ballet. Sports? Forget it. Camping and dirt? No way. What the heck do I know about raising little boys?
In retrospect, I was destined to have boys. After all I had always been one of the boys. I had a bunch of guy friends in college that I felt more comfortable with hanging out, going out with and most importantly, being myself with than I ever had with groups of girls. Sometimes I make a new friend and later find myself chatting more easily with the husband. Not flirting, just talking. From my original college gang, we are still friends and have been in each others' weddings, are godparents to each others' children and still travel to see each other. I married one of that gang and am eternally grateful for that.
The other day Matt had taken my toothbrush and cleaned the floor with it. Later I was squatting down fastening Drew into his car seat and was tackled from behind, causing me to fall forward and almost squash the baby. Then I was washing my hands and Matt came up and hugged my legs and kissed me right on my butt. A delightful squeal from the terrible two. I laughed until I cried. God, I asked, are you sure about this? And I realized that after all this time wishing for girls, it seemed so right to be the mother of boys.
God had other plans.
When I first found out I was carrying a boy I was hysterically depressed for about 48 hours and then I just snapped out of it. I went through disappointment that it wasn't a girl at the same time suffering horrible guilt that I felt that way. I told my self how selfish I was "At least you can conceive and have a kid when so many cannot." I told God terrible things - things I am ashamed to admit that they even crossed my mind. I went through all 5 of Kubler-Ross' stages of loss. I thought, "OK so it's a boy. Next time I'll have a girl."
Once again - God in charge, not me.
This time I went through the same emotions, but with more anger (which I didn't think possible). There wasn't going to be a next time. I only wanted 2 kids. Try for a girl next? Oh, no. Not me. With my luck it'd be another boy. I can hardly handle the first boy as he goes through a terrible two phase. Where was my little girl? God, don't you know I always wanted a girl?
I grew up playing Barbie, doing crafts, taking ballet. Sports? Forget it. Camping and dirt? No way. What the heck do I know about raising little boys?
In retrospect, I was destined to have boys. After all I had always been one of the boys. I had a bunch of guy friends in college that I felt more comfortable with hanging out, going out with and most importantly, being myself with than I ever had with groups of girls. Sometimes I make a new friend and later find myself chatting more easily with the husband. Not flirting, just talking. From my original college gang, we are still friends and have been in each others' weddings, are godparents to each others' children and still travel to see each other. I married one of that gang and am eternally grateful for that.
The other day Matt had taken my toothbrush and cleaned the floor with it. Later I was squatting down fastening Drew into his car seat and was tackled from behind, causing me to fall forward and almost squash the baby. Then I was washing my hands and Matt came up and hugged my legs and kissed me right on my butt. A delightful squeal from the terrible two. I laughed until I cried. God, I asked, are you sure about this? And I realized that after all this time wishing for girls, it seemed so right to be the mother of boys.
Tuesday, June 06, 2006
Welcome
Hi! My friends know I can always talk. And keep talking and talking. So I made a blog so I can talk and you only have to "listen" if you want to. I am not sure what my purpose is here... to vent, rant and rave? To be creative? To communicate with friends and family in one spot? This is an experiment and I guess I will figure it out as I go.
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